The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

For the past fifty years, The Hunt has terrorized the lands with no one able to stop it from turning humans and Fae to stone. Good hook, but IDK if The Hunt is a person, or an event? Yet twenty year old Eliyen only cares for the approval and love of her parents. In her desperation to receive their attention, she sets her sights on ending The Hunt’s brutality the only way she knows how; learning a dead, ancient language that hopefully holds answers. Why would it? If she can bring glory to her family’s name by ending The Hunt, maybe then she will finally earn her parents’ affections. I think you can probably cut this last line, it's just repeating concepts you've already presented pretty well in the lines previous.

Which is why when the Fae King and his Royal Guard stumble upon her doorstep and discover she is able to read a language they’re magically forbidden to know, that's a bit plot convenient. You already stated it's a dead language, so we can assume no one else knows it and she's special for that reason she has little choice but to leave the safety of her home. This makes it sound like she doesn't want to go,b /c she has "little choice," but isn't this exactly the chance she's been looking for? For they believe a tome only she can read holds the answer to ending The Hunt’s savagery… and the glory she so desperately seeks.

The three of them set off to search for the tome in the Fae Lands where their grit, determination, and unity are tested. Tensions arise between the Fae King and Royal Guard, pixies threaten to shred Eliyen to bits, and the tome remains as elusive as ever. Will their group survive long enough for Eliyen to translate the book or will the pressure to end The Hunt’s vicious existence turn them all to stone?

The Hunt, a 95,000 word slow–burn romantasy, where's the romance? I'm not seeing anything like that mentioned above. will appeal to the fans of Divine Rivals and One Dark Window. The Hunt touches upon topics such as the consequences of people pleasing tendencies, the growth of self–worth, and how one’s inner truth may not always appear to be what it seems. I'd strike this entire last line as it makes me want to ask more questions than it does provide answers.

I am currently a stay at home parent of a very active toddler girl. Our days are spent fending off monsters, rescuing Princes, and traversing the metal woodlands (also known as playgrounds to us plebs). Having her has renewed my dream of becoming a published author and I hope one day I’ll be able to show her what it looks like to never give up on your dream no matter how long it takes to achieve. Thank you for your time and consideration. This is sweet, and you can choose to leave it if you want, but I don't think it really adds anything to the query. Personal anecdotes are all well and good - but we all have them, and they don't have anything to do with the quality of your query, or writing. I'd cut everything after the metal woodlands.

Overall this is pretty good, but I feel like I need to know more about The Hunt, since that is the main enemy. Person, place, or thing? Also, it seems like the whole goal is to find a book that will explain how to end the Hunt, but what happens then? How do they end the hunt? The penultimate moment surely isn't just finding the book, but then taking action. Also, the romance really needs to get into the query if you're pushing this as a romantasy. Who is it between? What's the conflict? Why can't they be together? Is this enemies to friends? Star-crossed lovers? What's the plot there?