Hello there! My name is Kat Masson and I’m a new writer, based in London, UK. I published my début novel in October 2020, though it took me four years to write it, and it was kicking around in my head for ten.
I hadn’t written anything longer than an email since my college dissertation, and not since school had I produced anything that was entirely fictional. But when my relationship began to seriously fall apart as a result of my partner’s serious depression, and with a young baby to look after and having to keep working as I was the only breadwinner, I turned to writing down my thoughts as a way to cope with the stress.
The first of these musings was an imaginary journey, written late one night. I had tried so many different approaches with my partner. I knew he needed help to deal with his depression, but he refused to do anything. Actually, that’s not entirely correct. He did go to see our GP who then gave him some anti-depressants and signed him up for talking therapy sessions. A week or two after starting the medication, and spending much of the time asleep, he stopped taking it, complaining that it made him ‘feel nothing’. That was that. He went to one of the sessions but had no appetite to continue.
I had a friend from a baby group, another new mum, who I talked to a lot at the time. Her partner had suffered badly from depression but had recently turned a corner and was improving. But she told me she no longer loved him; she too had tried everything and felt like she’d just completely run out of patience and sympathy. She told me how, at times, she felt like throwing the baby out of their second floor window. I completely understood. Depression breeds depression, I think.
The enormity of my dire situation, and my then inability to see a way out, became too much one evening and I had what I now understand was my first and only depressive episode, possibly post-natal. I described my emotions, and then detailed how I would grab my handbag, get in the car, stop at a petrol station to fill up, and then head out of London on the M1, north, and keep going until I hit the west coast of Scotland, around 500 miles away. I would find a quiet spot on top of a cliff, wait for sunrise and then drive at high speed towards the edge, Thelma and Louise style.
This escapist fantasy didn’t last. My son, asleep in the room next door, turned over in his sleep, and the green lights on the baby monitor gently glowed before dying down. What would happen to him? I was shocked at how seriously I had considered the trip, however briefly. I felt guilt, so much guilt, but at the same time it had made me realise that I needed to do something, and that matters would not resolve themselves on their own. It took two years but I finally managed to get my ex to move out. My son and I began our lives as a smaller unit. Going it alone was a scary prospect at first, but I really believe we have both been happier, calmer and more content than if we had continued to live with his dad.
To this first piece, I added a few scenes typed on my laptop and grouped together in a folder entitled ‘Dating, depression and double espressos’. A friend who I mentioned them to said I should start a blog with the same name. At the time, that sounded like quite hard work; what did I know about writing a blog?
The blog didn’t materialise, but the idea of a book did. In early 2017, after a design contract ended a month or so earlier than planned, with an amazing stroke of luck, I found myself enrolled on a short course at the Faber Academy in London: ‘How to Start a Novel in a Week’. That gave me the impetus I needed; I had to continue working, but at any time when I had a free day or even a few hours, I worked on the book.
The day before the first lockdown in the UK was announced, I had a call from one of my main clients; their Head Office in Germany had put an immediate stop to all marketing spend. This meant that all the projects I was working on would either grind to a halt or not happen at all. On the upside, I knew this also would mean more time to write! At around the same time, Mark Dawson’s Self Publishing Formula beginners’ course, 101, was open for registration; the timing was so fortuitous, I jumped at the chance to do this. In tandem with writing, I worked through the course, learning how to build your audience, setting up an author profile on Amazon and other retailers, how to find advance readers… it was all exciting but absolutely new territory for me.
Through the course’s Facebook page, I met a fellow new author based in Pennsylvania, Jessica Stone, who was writing a memoir, Craving London, about her time in London in the 2000s. We really clicked and began having regular video calls, talking about our writing, dating (we had both done a LOT!), children (we were both mothers) and life in general. We both supported each other as our respective publication dates grew ever closer. And now we are both about to embark on Book Number 2… actually this Saturday coming, Saturday 1 May. Not only, as writing buddies, will we hold each other accountable, it will also be a lot more fun than going it entirely alone!
K.A. Masson is a graphic designer who lives in London with her teenage son and cat Slinky. Alter Ego is her first novel, jump-started by a chance encounter with a Faber Academy “Start Your Novel In A Week” course. She is fascinated by books with a psychological element and the lengths people will go to when pushed by anger, fear, jealousy, and hate, and is currently working on her second thriller. You can find out more at her website, kamassonwriter.com.
