Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
If the Saturday Slash has been helpful to you in the past, or if you’d like for me to take a look at your query please consider making a donation, if you are able.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.
My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
Seventeen-year-old Cal Anderson has a secret. He can rewind time five seconds. You might want to say "by five seconds." It’s a neat trick for dodging punches or cheating on tests, but it won’t bring back his mother after she pushes him out of the way of a speeding truck. Why not? It feels like 5 seconds would be enough to fix that. Only when he learns his power comes from the Roman gods, and that his destiny is written in an ancient book of prophecies does he understand. The accident might not have been his fault after all. Cal isn’t just an ordinary teenager. He’s the reincarnated grandson of Julius Caesar, descended from Venus herself. But why would he think the accident was his fault in the first place, and why would this revelation change his opinion?
When the gods tempt Cal with a new prophecy hinting at his mother’s resurrection, he must find a way to 408 AD, where barbarian Goths threaten to burn Rome and the temple he needs to save her. Along the way, he falls for Amalia, a half-Goth girl fated to die in his prophecy. Why? And do you mean like Goth like modern day kid, or like she's a barbarian? But Cal will uncover the gods’ true purpose. Rome must be punished for turning its back on them, and they need his power to open her gates. The gods need his power? Doesn't seem likely. Now he faces an impossible choice: save his mother, protect the city, or follow his heart, because the gods demand blood, and if Cal isn’t careful, they’ll use him to spill it, just like they did with his mother. This is a little all over the place. You're not spelling out the connections between mom, his status, the gods, this girl, and what the goal is here.
THE AMULETS OF CAESAR is a 94,000-word YA historical fantasy that blends the fatalistic themes of Threads That Bind by Kika Hatzopoulou with the mythological stakes of Lore by Alexandra Bracken and the cunning heists of Among Thieves by M.J. Kuhn. It is a standalone novel with series potential.
I’m querying you because you’re a fan of retellings, and my book is a mythic take on the fall of Rome. My passion for history has led to a feverish addiction to biographies, and strange looks from my coworkers. Trips to Rome and Istanbul inspired the settings in my book. Good bio and comp titles, but you need more clarification on the plot. Right now all the threads feel like they aren't neatly tied together to make a cohesive plot.