There is a saying in fiction writing that nothing is entirely fiction. I’d be interested in speaking to someone who disagrees with that statement. Even in writing the wildest of science fiction or fantasy, there are sprinkles of people and pieces of places with which the author is familiar; I’d venture a guess. In my women’s fiction novel, The Silence in the Sound, I knew I was writing fiction, but there were undoubtedly some things inspired by events, places, and people in my life. What I didn’t realize was the twists and turns it would take, and I ended up writing a much different story than the one I set out to write. It’s odd because I ended up in the same place, and the ending was what I envisioned, but I took a much different road to get there. I began writing from a child’s eye, the child being me and my perspective of mine and my father’s relationship. I had intended to touch on this, but I did much more than touch after thousands of words and many chapters later.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why this may have happened. I clearly had a lot on my mind. My father’s and my relationship was complex, and when I found I was able to tap into my feelings from then, those thirty-five years ago—Yikes. . . I kept going until I was done. Of course, a sea of emotions flooded me. Writing about all of this now as an adult, I felt vulnerable and raw, but I continued, moving through it and being gentle with myself. Oh, and I also reached back out to my therapist but writing this all was more cathartic for me than the best of therapy. I tapped into a place that I didn’t think was possible; my character’s relationship with her father was more accurate than I anticipated, and being under the guise of fiction, it somehow felt safer.
I grew up in an alcoholic home. My father was not any functioning alcoholic, and my mother would say that we were lucky because of him being the way he was, we couldn’t hide him the way others sometimes do. That way, we were forced to seek help—us going to Children-of-Alcoholics and her to Al-anon. While I don’t deny these did help, although I resented every minute of it, I never felt lucky. My brother and I just wanted to be normal, like the other kids, and with any luck, we hoped we would one day, and one day, we were. Dad got sober and stayed that way for seven years. That was lucky.
During that time and even in the darkest times, my relationship with my father was much more profound than most would expect. We navigated his disease. I showed him my anger, disappointment, and resentment freely and loudly, and him, already feeling that way about himself, could deal with this, and we’d talk. For him, it was much easier to deal with someone who had given up any hope for you than to deal with someone who didn’t, as he didn’t have any hope for himself in active disease. The rest of my family had the hope, the one thing I learned early in life you should never have when dealing with addiction. I gave up on that at the ripe old age of eight. And when he got sober, it was the biggest surprise, but I did the second thing I found you should never do when dealing with the disease of addiction. I got too comfortable, and then seven years later, after my father became a drug and alcohol counselor and helped countless people in their disease picked up again and not long after succumbed to his. I wished for so long he was here to talk, even in our anger and resentment way that we did. In writing about him, I finally was able to; inspired by him and me and our way together.
While The Silence in the Sound is a women’s upmarket coming-of-age novel with some celebrity and love and is set on Martha's Vineyard, its premise is about growing up in addiction and the devastating and long-lasting effects. Actual events inspired the book as I was the nurse for Pulitzer-prize winner William Styron, author of Sophie's Choice on the island, and caring for him inspired me to become an author.
What's incredibly exciting is I have partnered with the Robert F. Kennedy Community Alliance organization here in Massachusetts, and part of the proceeds will go to their division that helps children and families affected by addiction. I think it's so essential for the public to hear from both those who suffer from addiction and the children and others in their lives. While we each have our own experiences and opinions, mine expressed here are mine alone; I think we can agree the children affected by this disease need much more support. My mission is to give them a voice, and I hope that I've done so in my work. I’ll let you; the readers be the judge.
Dianne C. Braley is a registered nurse with a passion for music, poetry, and literature. Dianne has been featured in various online and printed publications, including Today’s Dietician and Scrubs Magazine. Her nursing blog, Nursing the Neighborhood, was named one of the top nursing blogs of 2018 by Nurse Recruiter.