1) How did people describe the texture of overcooked pasta or vegetables before the invention of rubber?
2) The best way to cut a passive-aggressive person out at the knees is to say, "Are you being passive aggressive?" Usually you'll get the chance to use the follow up question, "Are you being defensive?"
3) My bottle-fed kittens respond to the sound of my voice with panicked glee. My fifth grade classes respond to my voice with abject terror. I wondered what a combination of the two would get me, and then I realized it would be drunk Ewoks.