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Impulsive 17-year-old Kyla has lived in the underground caverns bordering the Adara Desert for as long as she can remember. Interesting, I'm immediately curious as to why above ground isn't an option, however I don't know if it's a strong enough hook. Confined underground, she finds her independence the only way she can- by escaping to the desert surface whenever her mother isn’t looking, spurred on by incredibly vivid dreams that seem to be more than just the creations of her mind. I think you need to explain the dreams, and if they are that vivid and moving, perhaps they should be the hook.
When she is discovered on one of those forays, Kyla and her people are captured and transported across the desert to the mountain city, the same one that her people Echo with "her people" had escaped from nearly two decades ago. Why did they escape? What were they running from?
Fugitives to a cause Kyla is only just beginning to understand, which is kind of a problem because I don't actually understand it either, and I think I need to in order to buy in to the idea Kyla finds herself sentenced to theft she didn’t commit, and thrust into imprisonment in the dangerous mines. Trapped in the darkness with criminals of all types, Kyla barely escapes the first night with her life. Again, this is murky. She and her people are captured for some reason that I'm not clear on, then returned to a city they left for a vague reason, and then she's accused of a crime she didn't commit? Right now you're being too vague, so that plot points feel arbitrary.
But when Kyla finally emerges from the mines, the reunion she has been searching for turns deadly, where Kyla has to learn what family truly means in order to find, and unleash, the source of her power. Same problem, it's too vague to be compelling. I didn't know that finding out what family truly means was part of the plot, and I had no indications that she had a power until the very last line.
SPINNING DREAMS is a YA fantasy novel complete at 85,000 words. It will appeal to fans of Laura Sebastian’s ASH PRINCESS trilogy or Tracy Banghart’s GRACE & FURY. I graduated from the University of Reno, Nevada with a degree in journalism, which helped fuel my career as a website copywriter. In the rare moments when I am not writing, you can find me at the park with my dogs.
Good comp titles and good bio, but right now the body of the query is technically sound, while being so vague as to not pique my interest. I assume the dreams are important, since that's the title, and probably tied to her power... but the query itself gives no indication of that whatsoever. You've got to be bald-faced in a query, not leave things to be discerned.
Right now this just reads like - there are good guys, and some bad guys, and some unfair things happen, and this girl is special. Which, honestly that could be any YA fantasy. Get those specifics in there to show what about yours is special and different.
