The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

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If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.

When Eva runs into an old friend from college, she’s immediately a little envious. I think a stronger hook is in order here. Something that indicates your genre a little more. Think: Money can buy everything... even (whatever). Just a couple of years after graduating, Eva has just been fired from her dead-end job, but her former classmate, Marin now works at a company called Ouroboros. And this is no ordinary corporation; it which enables the super-rich to upload their consciousness to the cloud when they reach old age, and live on forever in a virtual heaven.

Eva doesn't know whether to be amazed—or bitter. Around them, protests are springing up all over the overworked, underpaid city, claiming that eternal life should not only be accessible to the rich. Never mind living forever—it’s hard for most people just to be able to support themselves.

But then Marin introduces her to a colleague, Sebastian. The sophisticated programmer makes Eva feel appreciated for the first time in her life, and she begins to falls for him. They begin dating, and their connection means that Eva, too, may eventually snag a spot in the virtual afterlife.

But as their relationship progresses, things slowly change for the worse. Sebastian's dominant side, which Eva once found so appealing, becomes dangerous. It turns out that underneath Sebastian's charming exterior is a cold and calculating stranger. And when Eva learns what Sebastian has done to Marin, too vague she must make a choice between a relationship that is growing steadily more abusive, and a crumbling society in which she may no longer have a place. I'm not sure if you're talking about virtual heaven or the real world with this reference. But who's to say if Sebastian will even let her leave. Question mark here?

INTO ETERNITY is an 80,000-word work of adult upmarket fiction with a speculative twist. I have published two works with Thought Catalog Books: a book of poems, X, and a novella, Y. I have interned at two literary agencies in New York. Great bio!

The way the query is written makes it sound like the focus of the book is more on the relationship than the virtual afterlife, which is fine, as long as that is true of the manuscript. Also, you are vague about what Sebastian did to Marin... a workplace issue? Or more personal? We don't know, and the query isn't the place to tease. Also, you've got a para dedicated to the public reaction to Ouroborous, but what impact does that have on our narrator, or the story as a whole? You say she doesn't know how she should feel about the project, but not if that dribbles over into friction between her and Marin, or her and Sebastian. Tie that thought into the query to illustrate what the impact is on the actual narrative. There's quite a bit of extra verbiage here, so you can see where I trimmed things down with strikethrough to give you more room to elaborate on elements like that.

Christmas Giveaway! Enter to Win The Christmas Spirits on Tradd Street by Karen White!

The Christmas spirit is overtaking Tradd Street with a vengeance in this festive new novel in the New York Times bestselling series by Karen White.

Melanie Trenholm should be anticipating Christmas with nothing but joy--after all, it's the first Christmas she and her husband, Jack, will celebrate with their twin babies. But the ongoing excavation of the centuries-old cistern in the garden of her historic Tradd Street home has been a huge millstone, both financially and aesthetically. Local students are thrilled by the possibility of unearthing more Colonial-era artifacts at the cistern, but Melanie is concerned by the ghosts connected to the cistern that have suddenly invaded her life and her house--and at least one of them is definitely not filled with holiday cheer....

And these relics aren't the only precious artifacts for which people are searching. A past adversary is convinced that there is a long-lost Revolutionary War treasure buried somewhere on the property that Melanie inherited--untold riches rumored to be brought over from France by the Marquis de Lafayette himself and intended to help the Colonial war effort. It's a treasure literally fit for a king, and there have been whispers throughout history that many have already killed--and died--for it. And now someone will stop at nothing to possess it--even if it means destroying everything Melanie holds dear.

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Carol Fiore on Turning A Passion Into Fiction

Inspiration is a funny thing. It can come to us like a lightning bolt, through the lyrics of a song, or in the fog of a dream. Ask any writer where their stories come from and you’ll get a myriad of answers, and in that vein I created the WHAT (What the Hell Are you Thinking?) interview. Always including in the WHAT is one random question to really dig down into the interviewees mind, and probably supply some illumination into my own as well.

Today’s guest for the WHAT is Carol Fiore

Ideas for our books can come from just about anywhere, and sometimes even we can’t pinpoint exactly how or why. Did you have a specific origin point for your book?

Yes. I never intended to be a writer, but when my F-15/test pilot husband died 36 days after a plane crash, I embarked on a decade long quest to learn to write. Eric’s dying wish was that I tell the world about him and that promise drove my life. I decided to write a book about what it takes to be a test pilot, and what it takes to love one.

Although I have three science degrees, I went back to school to learn to write, joined writing groups, acquired a writing coach, read grammar books, and wrote to the exclusion of almost everything else in my life for over a decade. Thirteen years after Eric’s death, I published my first book Flight through Fire and was finally able to start healing. Writing a nonfiction book about events I’d lived was easier, I thought, than writing fiction because I’d written a thesis—actually two of them—and I’d authored scientific papers. Later that same year, I published a A Grief Workbook for Skeptics because so many people wrote to me asking if I’d write about grief as a “regular person,” not a medical professional. Despite zero marketing, that book sells fairly well. I told people I was done writing, but quietly I’d been working on a young adult story with environmental themes. It was a gift to my youngest daughter who works in conservation. I never intended to publish it because it was fiction and, as I told myself, I wasn’t qualified, was I? My daughter read it. Her friends read it. They insisted I publish it.

The inspiration for my young adult series The Skye Van Bloem Trilogy came to me after engaging with troubled high school kids while working as a wildlife rehabilitator and humane educator. I’d been to one particular alternative high school a couple times, bringing live animals and doing presentations on everything from pet care to biodiversity loss. I adored these sad kids who invited me back, over and over. Their eyes shone and they sat up in their seats when I told them funny stories about my time as a zoo keeper or about my field work in conservation. It was clear they loved animals and were interested in them, but they remarked repeatedly, “We can’t do anything to save them. Your generation screwed the planet and there’s nothing we can do.” I wondered if I could write a book with a high school protagonist who cared deeply about animals and was thrust into a situation where she had to save them. Would she do it?

Once the original concept existed, how did you build a plot around it?

I’m a long-distance runner, and my best ideas comes to me when I’m out on the road, alone with my thoughts. The plot of my trilogy fell into place almost immediately. I had the entire three books planned in my head before I ever wrote a single word. I asked myself what sort of journey would be required of my protagonist Skye? What would push her from apathy to action? One of the high school kids I’d taught had remarked that the animals of Earth should get to make a decision about humans. I pondered that idea while running. What if life were flipped and the animals could punish humans for poaching, pollution, cruelty, hunting, torture, habitat destruction, and climate change? Would my protagonist try to convince the animals that humans could change, that we do care, in order to save humans? In this way I might spur teens to take environmental action.

It was clear early on that a trilogy would best accomplish my environmental action goal, with the first book Countdown being primarily about biodiversity importance, the second book Holding having the climate crisis as its main theme, and the third “Launch” about a revolution and the importance of government in protecting biodiversity and taking climate action. The trilogy moved quickly to sci-fi fantasy as Skye had to be able to understand animals. It was important to include animal characters in a way that revealed their struggle, in their words, without being childish or too middle-school. I used my conservation background and my ecology degree to educate without obvious learning, and I highlighted unusual and less attractive animals. Teens don’t want to be preached to, so I was always careful in that respect and mindful to create a fast-moving plot.  Because this is a young adult book, I included a love story between Skye and an alien sent to help the animals. The first book was published in May 2018, and the second book should be coming out in late January 2020.

Have you ever had the plot firmly in place, only to find it changing as the story moved from your mind to paper?

Definitely. I always knew where the trilogy would end, but my characters—particularly my protagonist and her two best friends—surprised me along the way. I often felt they were controlling the keyboard as I wrote their stories. I would wander about my house, pretending to talk to them, trying to know them and realizing I needed to rewrite entire sections again, and again, and again. Being a science geek, it was important to get the science right, so I did lots of research and often had to rewrite because of it. World building in sci-fi can be a bit tricky and often requires extensive redesigning.

Do story ideas come to you often, or is fresh material hard to come by?

Yes, I get new ideas daily. My friends tire of me saying, “That would make a great story.” I’m a climate activist and while giving a presentation last week, someone asked me a question that caused me to say, “That would be a wonderful plot for a sci-fi novel.” Because I read about the climate crisis every day, I’m always getting new ideas for books. Once while doing activism work and dressed like a solar panel, I was confronted by a particularly irate man who accused me of having an “agenda.” In retrospect I could have handled him better. Here I was, trying to save the planet, and he was insisting on denying basic scientific facts! I shouted at him, “Be careful or you’ll end up in my book.” It was not my finest moment, but I did glean some details about him to use in crafting my antagonist.

How do you choose which story to write next, if you’ve got more than one percolating?

Right now, I’m concentrating on getting Holding published and am writing the final book Launch. I work with a talented group of editors, formatters, and a cover designer, but it takes time. When that series is done, who knows what I’ll start on next? I’ve dedicated the rest of my life to fighting for the planet, so eco-fiction and the newest genre cli-fi (climate fiction) is where I want to be working.

I give my royalties to environmental nonprofits because as I’m fond of saying, I can live with less money, but I can’t live on a planet without the animals I’ve worked my whole life to protect. U.S and Canadian skies have lost 3 billion birds since 1970. This is not OK. The climate crisis is, at its core, a social justice issue, so I intend to fight for people too. That’s why my book has a diverse group of characters, particularly my protagonist’s best friends, and why the setting incorporates other countries and planets.  If I entice my readers to join the movement to save our planet, I will have accomplished my goal.

I have 5 cats (seriously, check my Instagram feed) and I usually have at least one or two snuggling with me when I write. Do you have a writing buddy, or do you find it distracting?

Mindy, you’re the cat lady! I think you need to meet my oldest daughter. 

I have had many pets in my life, including a special rescue duck named Darkwing that I shared my life with for almost 10 years, but I’m pet-less at the moment. My desk faces a big picture window that looks out across several acres of the unique Sonoran Desert. I feel great calmness watching coyotes, bobcats, javelinas, Gambel’s quail, roadrunners, and even the occasional rattlesnake. I try to throw that joy and love of nature into my writing.