Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
If the Saturday Slash has been helpful to you in the past, or if you’d like for me to take a look at your query please consider making a donation, if you are able.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.
Carson’s plans to spend the summer inside and alone are dashed against the rocks by a single word—divorce. This is a good hook in that we immediately understand a few different things - Carson's personality (a summer inside and alone?) and what the obstacle is. My only caveat is that we'll need to see what change is occuring within him as a result.
While his parents sort everything out, thirteen-year-old Carson and his little sister are sent to live with their eccentric grandmother in the Florida Keys. Next thing he knows, he’s reluctantly snorkeling with sharks and saving his harebrained sister from being swept out to sea. So here is a good example - how is this different from his normal life of being inside and alone? It clearly IS, but what kind of change is taking place and how does he feel about it?
The mangrove swamp around his grandmother’s house serves as a refuge for juvenile wildlife much like his grandmother’s home is a refuge from Carson’s battling parents. good comparison here, but the sentence itself is a little awkward. You can use "her home" without repeating "grandmother" but find other ways to tigthen this up a bit. Outside the safety of the swamp, an invasive species of starfish is devouring the reef and steadily creeping closer to the one place that was supposed to keep Carson and his sister safe. but the threat isn't to them, is it? It's to the wildlife... maybe link the thoughts by illustrating his growing connection to nature, which can also serve as an opportunity to note his further growth and change.
Like the stars are eating away at the reef, Carson’s doubts what kind of doubts? Is it more like just anxiety or sadness? about his family eat away at him. So he decides to put all of his energy into saving the reef. Which is a good thing, because, in the end, Carson, his sister, and their newfound friends are the only ones capable of saving the mangroves from destruction. Why? It's good to see them at center stage, but what about them is so special that they're the only ones that can do this?
Summer of the Sea and Stars is a contemporary middle-grade novel complete at 42,000 words. It will appeal to fans of Ali Benjamin’s The Thing About Jellyfish and Celia C. Pérez’s Strange Birds. The book utilizes a unique setting and a cast of LGBT, neurodiverse, and BIPOC characters to showcase a myriad of family structures and the urgent effects of climate change. This is great, but I think the friends might need more than just a one line shout out if you want to illustrate the diversity fo the cast. Even one line about meeting new people would be good.
My writing won national awards for young writers from YoungArts and Bluefire in 2019. I have written for both literary and environmental magazines and won the national Kay Snow Prize for Nonfiction. Additionally, my passion for the outdoors and time working for the National Parks and Forest Service makes me uniquely suited to write about an invasive species and how to combat it. Absolutely fantastic bio. You need a few tweaks here and there, but this is looking good!
