The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

If the Saturday Slash has been helpful to you in the past, or if you’d like for me to take a look at your query please consider making a donation, if you are able.

If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.

My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

Seventeen-year-old Cameron Sloane, despite what the Tremont High principal declares, knows he isn’t brave for coming forward to say his algebra teacher acted in a “sexually inappropriate” way. Cam knows he lied. I had to look at this a few times, wondering at the wording. Of course he knows he lied. In fact, he had to. It was his only option. If not, Shauna, his best friend, could have gotten hurt. We need to know how his actions protect Shauna, becuase right now I don't see a connection between their narratives, and someone making false accusations like this is not going to have the sympathy of the reader. He'll need to have a REALLY good reason. Also, your original wording wastes space. You'll need to be concise in a query.

First-year teacher Brad Miller desperately wants the nightmare of the false accusation to end so he can get back to teaching algebra, a career his father rejects as being second-rate. When his principal pulls him out of his classroom, Brad suffers another panic attack, which he’s tried to hide from everyone, especially his students. When the sweat and tremors come, the principal sees guilt. Brad, in turn, sees his career and life ending. In general, narrators in YA need to be teens. There are some exceptions, but they're rare and it is usually established authors taking that leap. Also, this doesn't read as a narrative arc for Brad, just a scene - does he take any actions? What is his role in the story, other than being the unjustly, panicked, accused?

Shauna Lange, one of only four Black girls in the school, wants out of Tremont High. Like right now! Actually, she wants out of Tremont, Ohio after being targeted by classmates. a group of teenage racists. Not happening, her parents tell her. Turn the other cheek, they say. No way, Shauna responds. Changing the wording here a little bit for the sake of being concise. The fact that she's the only back girl implies that the target comes from racist, and using "classmates" insinuates that they are teens as well. Unless they stop harassing her, she’s going to find out who these bullies are and stomp them, she doesn't know who it is? Assuming it's classmates, then? Also, she's going to literally attack them? What's her narrative here, other than getting angry? Does she have a plan? Is she asking questions to figure out who it is? despite Cameron’s pleas to let him handle it. But again, how in the world would Cam's accusations help Shauna? I see no connection.

Cameron, Brad, and Shauna share the role of protagonist in What He Said, a stand-alone, realistic YA novel of 90,800 words. Chapters shift from each character’s point-of-view as the story moves to its ominous resolution. You're going to have to be more clear about how these stories intersect to create a plot, and what the arc is for each character, as well as what's at stake.

I am seeking representation for What He Said, my contribution to YA fiction that deals with racism and homophobia. Although Cameron, Brad, and Shauna are separated in so many ways at Tremont High, the events in What He Said ultimately connect them in ways they never expected. We need to see those connections in the query body itself, and understand how this forms a cohesive narratove. Cut this para entirely and get the connections into the query, instead of stating they exist here.

Racism in school hallways and sexual misconduct by teachers aren’t new. Television and the internet seem to report regularly about hate crimes and the inappropriate relationships between teachers and their students, but how often do news sources reveal later that the accusations are false? A teacher accused of such conduct rarely gains any sympathy in the media, and Brad Miller is no exception. Again, this isn't part of the query, and makes it seems like the adult protag has more weight in the story than your teen narrators, which isn't a good move.

Previously, I published my debut novel My Last Year of Life (in School) (Black Rose Writing, 2015) and ten nonfiction books, including Writing Smarter (Prentice Hall, 1998) and The Elite Wrestler (Coaches Choice, 2020). I am also a veteran English teacher who was named Ohio’s High School English Teacher of the Year in 2000.

Awesome bio!! Cut the irrelevant paras, get the cohesive narrative into the query and you're looking much better!

The Nineties by Chuck Klosterman Giveaway

An instant New York Times bestseller!

From the bestselling author of But What if We’re Wrong, a wise and funny reckoning with the decade that gave us slacker/grunge irony about the sin of trying too hard, during the greatest shift in human consciousness of any decade in American history.

It was long ago, but not as long as it seems: The Berlin Wall fell and the Twin Towers collapsed. In between, one presidential election was allegedly decided by Ross Perot while another was plausibly decided by Ralph Nader. In the beginning, almost every name and address was listed in a phone book, and everyone answered their landlines because you didn’t know who it was. By the end, exposing someone’s address was an act of emotional violence, and nobody picked up their new cell phone if they didn’t know who it was. The 90s brought about a revolution in the human condition we’re still groping to understand. Happily, Chuck Klosterman is more than up to the job.

Beyond epiphenomena like "Cop Killer" and Titanic and Zima, there were wholesale shifts in how society was perceived: the rise of the internet, pre-9/11 politics, and the paradoxical belief that nothing was more humiliating than trying too hard. Pop culture accelerated without the aid of a machine that remembered everything, generating an odd comfort in never being certain about anything. On a 90’s Thursday night, more people watched any random episode of Seinfeld than the finale of Game of Thrones. But nobody thought that was important; if you missed it, you simply missed it. It was the last era that held to the idea of a true, hegemonic mainstream before it all began to fracture, whether you found a home in it or defined yourself against it.

In The Nineties, Chuck Klosterman makes a home in all of it: the film, the music, the sports, the TV, the politics, the changes regarding race and class and sexuality, the yin/yang of Oprah and Alan Greenspan. In perhaps no other book ever written would a sentence like, “The video for ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ was not more consequential than the reunification of Germany” make complete sense. Chuck Klosterman has written a multi-dimensional masterpiece, a work of synthesis so smart and delightful that future historians might well refer to this entire period as Klostermanian.

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Jessica Strawser On Finding Inspiration... Accidentally

Inspiration is a funny thing. It can come to us like a lightning bolt, through the lyrics of a song, or in the fog of a dream. Ask any writer where their stories come from and you’ll get a myriad of answers, and in that vein I created the WHAT (What the Hell Are you Thinking?) interview. Always including in the WHAT is one random question to really dig down into the interviewees mind, and probably supply some illumination into my own as well.

Today’s guest is Jessica Strawser (jessicastrawser.com) editor-at-large for Writer’s Digest and the author of five book club favorite novels: Almost Missed You; Not That I Could Tell (a Book of the Month bestseller); Forget You Know Me; A Million Reasons Why (named to Most Anticipated lists from Goodreads, SheReads, Frolic & E! News); and her latest, The Next Thing You Know (March 2022), a People Magazine Pick for Best New Novel (all from St. Martin’s Press). She has written for The New York Times Modern Love, Publishers Weekly, and others, and is a popular speaker at writing conferences. She lives with her husband and two children in Cincinnati, where she was named 2019 Writer-in-Residence for the Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County. Follow her on Facebook & Instagram @jessicastrawserauthor.

 Ideas for our books can come from just about anywhere, and sometimes even we can’t pinpoint exactly how or why. Did you have a specific origin point for your book?

I was doing research for an entirely different book when I stumbled upon a reference to a death doula. I’d never heard of that before—someone who is trained to be with people and their families in the final stage of their lives—and was instantly fascinated by what it would take to do that job. Because it’s not medical: It’s all about finding peace, whatever that means to you. I instantly thought a death doula would be a fascinating protagonist.

Once the original concept existed, how did you build a plot around it?

I brainstormed reasons someone might be drawn to this profession and hit on a compelling backstory—one that would also be the character’s deepest secret. (I love a character with a secret!) I made her a motorcycle-riding free spirit who plays loose with the rules, and paired her with a client who would be her biggest challenge yet: A handsome yet prickly fallen rock star, Mason Shaylor. I decided on dual timelines, with a mystery at the center: In the present day, she’s being accused of mishandling Mason’s case, and he’s no longer there to defend her. In the past, we see their relationship unfold from day one and slowly learn what really happened between them.

Have you ever had the plot firmly in place, only to find it changing as the story moved from your mind to paper?

All. The. Time! Although really, I’m not sure the plot is ever firmly in place before I start writing—I usually know where I’m going but not how I’m going to get there.

Do story ideas come to you often, or is fresh material hard to come by?

Whenever it comes time to write a new novel, I usually have an idea or two already marinating in the back of the fridge, but I definitely don’t have a pantry full of extras.

How do you choose which story to write next, if you’ve got more than one percolating?

I usually start with a concept or theme, so if I have more than one, whichever starts bringing actual characters to mind first usually wins. But sometimes it’s about timing—what might seem topical or more right for the moment.

I have 6 cats and a Dalmatian (seriously, check my Instagram feed) and I usually have at least one or two snuggling with me when I write. Do you have a writing buddy, or do you find it distracting?

I find it distracting—which made this book a challenge to write during lockdown! I have two elementary-school aged kids who were home with me full time for six months (remote school, the whole works) in the time leading up to this deadline.