The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

WOMAN IN THE PAINTING is an upmarket, dual-era romantic fiction with elements of magical realism, perfect for book clubs. Melding the sexy, playful humor of Christina Lauren’s THE SOULMATE EQUATION into the grand worldbuilding of THE INVISIBLE LIFE OF ADDIE LARUE, the happily-ever-after will appeal to anyone who wonders whether soulmate is more than a metaphor.

My first reaction has always been that your hook should come first - not comp titles or genre. Every querying author out there has comp titles and a genre. Start with what only you have - your hook, for your book.

Like me, Jude Christensen is half-Filipino, an art lover, and an unabashed Anglophile. Don't bring yourself into the body of the query. You can allude to your identity with the MC in your bio, but here is the place to focus on the fiction, the book itself. Also, you need a bigger hook than just describing your main character. Since acquiring an unsigned 19th-century portrait, the Seattle curator dreams he’s a Regency-era gallant in love with the bewitching Philomena, the woman in the painting. You might want to clarify "dreams" here. Is he actually asleep and dreaming, or is this a daydream / obsession? Obsessed with unmasking the secret artist to determine its value and perhaps make sense of his increasingly complex dreams, Jude is drawn to Philomena’s descendant, Dr. Marielle Heathcote, who has her same haunting eyes. It's a little more clear now that we are talking about actual dreams, but I think you might want to clarify sooner, to avoid any confusion. Also be careful with the use of the word "obsessed." By nature it has negative qualities attached to it, so it throws a certain shadow on the narrative - unless that's what you want. It's question of whether this interest is healthy or unhealhty.

Marielle is reluctant to sell her family’s treasures, but heirlooms are all she has to stave off bankruptcy. From Seattle to England, she and Jude embark on a romantic affair fueled by a shared zeal for art, literature, and solving the mystery of the painting. What is the mystery of the painting? And what does her financial situation have to do with it? Why are they on a road trip? How are all these things connected? Marielle’s chilling night terrors and regression therapy reveal an impossible Georgian-era love triangle. Forgotten journals from Heathcote Hall expose the painter to be Philomena’s husband—but he’s not the same man Jude sees with Philomena whenever he closes his eyes. Yet, Jude refuses to believe in past lives. So is this what they are doing with a road trip? I'm confused about the triangle. Philomena and her husband, but then also a third man that Jude can see... but it's not Jude? I thought he dreamt he was a gallant trying to romance Philomena?

To understand the gut-wrenching connection between Philomena, the disgraced father of her child, and his charming, steadfast friend who secretly loves him, Marielle and Jude must open their hearts to the possibility that this is not the first time they’ve fallen in love. I'm confused about who is who in this narrative, and how it relates to the modern characters. Told through the eyes of four characters in two parts: Part 1, His Other Half (the male gaze) and Part 2, Her Other Half (the female gaze) have alternating timelines and point-of-views. My debut novel is 122000 words and is the first of a planned “Soul Group” series. I would definitely state it's alternating POV's but you don't have to get that into the weeds with how it will be structured in a query. Your word count is way too high for a debut - you need to get it below 100k, and I would also do you best to get it in a place where you can pitch it as a stand alone with series potential.

In September, WOMAN IN THE PAINTING won third at the Pacific Northwest Writers Conference and is now a finalist in Romance Writers of America’s Romance Through the Ages contest. Since 2013, I’ve edited more than fifty novels and curated five anthologies. A member of the Jane Austen Society and Pacific Northwest Writers Association, I live in Washington State. My own whirlwind English fantasy came true thanks to actor Henry Cavill when we sipped champagne together atop the London Eye. True story. You can Google it

lol, I like the bio. I'd get the allusion to your own identity into that para, as well.

Right now I'd say your biggest problem is that I'm not really sure what the goal is. Figure out who painted the painting? What it's worth? Which one of them is someone else from the past, and if they've been in love before? Right now, it's got a nice romantic, historial and mystery vibe, but I don't really see what the obstacle is. Is there a threat from the past that can damage their current love? What is the goal and what is the obstacle?

As you can see from my above comments, I'm also a little in the weeds about the tangled identities. I think you might need to present it in a more simplistic way.

THE 9:09 PROJECT—The Story Behind the Story

by Mark Parsons

Having synesthesia is probably a little like being left-handed or maybe color-blind (most types of which aren’t literally “color-blind,” but that’s another story), in that the difference isn’t only non-obvious to most observers but may go mostly unnoticed by the individuals themselves until they learn the rest of the world sees things differently.

As far as I can tell I’ve had synesthesia since birth (primarily the color-grapheme variant—the most common type), but for a long time I didn’t know I perceived things differently than the vast majority of the population. Sure, my sister and I (she’s a synesthete also) used to play “So what color is Tuesday for you?” when we were little kids, but it wasn’t until my teenage years that I realized perceiving numbers, letters, days of the week, and months of the year as having specific colors definitely wasn’t the norm . . .

. . . for everyone else. But it absolutely was the day-to-day norm for me. Which is one of the reasons I had Jamison (the protagonist in The 9:09 Project) have the same condition—not as a “plot point” or “issue” or other structural contrivance, but because having that hovering in the background of my own high school experience made writing this story take on an extra degree of reality for me that hopefully got me a little closer to the emotions many of us are feeling at that time in our lives—uncertainty, insecurity, and a general vibe of not fitting in.

I’d read a few novels featuring synesthesia where the author clearly didn’t do any research but simply made up shit that sounded interesting and ran with it as a cool plot device. (I’m talking characters having superpower-level abilities due to synesthesia. I wish, right?) So I wanted to portray it as it actually presents for me and others I know—neither a superpower nor a disability, but simply a slightly interesting difference in the way some people perceive everyday objects and concepts.

It’s important to note this isn’t a book about synesthesia. It’s about a young dude who happens to have synesthesia, and I like to think the story would hold together even if he didn’t have it. It just gives an additional connection between him and his mother and serves as a recurring metaphor for seeing the world a certain way. In fact, Jamison doesn’t discuss it much with his friends or family in the book.

I’m drawn to that sort of understatement, where conditions that exist in the story don’t need to be the story, but just provide a more nuanced background. One of the things I love about the anime/rotoscoped/live-action TV series Undone is that the main character wears a cochlear implant but it’s almost incidental to the overall story. It’s just there as part of her daily life—she wears it in order to hear, but the story’s not about deafness at all. To me, this is a great example of true diversity in storytelling: having characters with differences, but not making their differences the story.

The 9:09 Project is actually about things far more universal than synesthesia: recovering from loss, harnessing the healing power of art, putting your grief to work, opening up to possibilities, and making connections.

In other words, it’s a love story.

Exploring synesthesia in this book was my way into the story, something to help bind me emotionally to the character (and, by association, to the rest of the characters, who are completely real to my writer brain and about whom I care deeply). This is art—not science—so your experience may vary, but for me, the writer having an emotional connection with their characters is the foundation for the reader having an emotional connection with the characters.

And after all, that’s what we all want, right?

Mark Parsons has written primarily non-fiction for several years, penning over two hundred articles for national publications as well as a pair of non-fiction books before turning to book-length fiction. His first YA novel Road Rash (Knopf/Random House) was named to the ALA’s Best Fiction for Young Adults list, as well as Bank Street College’s Best Children’s Books of the Year list. His latest YA novel, The 9:09 Project, is coming from Delacorte/Random House this November. He also has a writing blog on his website where he deep-dives into several aspects of the writing life.

Deeba Zargarpur On Being a Slow (But Steady!) Writer

I'm lucky (or cunning) enough to have lured yet another successful writer over to my blog for an SAT - Successful Author Talk. SAT authors have conquered the query, slain the synopsis and attained the pinnacle of published. How'd they do it? Let's ask 'em!

Today’s guest for the SAT is Deeba Zargarpur, author of House of Yesterday which releases tomorrow, November 29

Are you a Planner or Pantster?

I wish I could say I was a planner (it would make my life so much easier haha), but after many attempts at trying to plot ahead of time, I’ve embraced the chaos of my pantser ways. It’s just the way my brain wants to be!

How long does it typically take you to write a novel, start to finish?

I’m not a fast writer—I’m more slow and steady, with brief bursts of concentrated focus and productivity. For better or worse, being a writer that can only write when inspiration hits means I need to allot more time into my drafting schedule to not run behind on deadline. On average, it takes me about 6 to 8 months to write a first draft. But once the first draft is down, editing goes much quicker. I find it easier to revise material that’s already on the page!

Do you work on one project at a time, or are you a multi tasker?

I feel like I’m revealing my slow ways, but because it takes me so long to finish a project, it makes multi-tasking on novels nearly impossible. When I’m drafting, I really need to be immersed in one project at a time. So when I sold my YA, House of Yesterday, and my MG, Farrah Noorzad and the Ring of Fate, within a year of each other, it made balancing the two projects very difficult and I learned the hard way that I can only juggle drafting one project at a time.

Did you have to overcome any fears that first time you sat down to write?

When I first sat down to write, I didn’t experience any fear. Mainly because I was writing just for me. At that time, there weren’t any thoughts about publication or other people reading my work. Because of the lack of diversity in the books I was reading, I never thought someone like me could get published, which in a strange way, made me unafraid the first time I decided to write a novel. It wasn’t until I realized that there was a chance at publication that I became afraid, when my words were no longer privately mine to read. Sending that first batch of queries was terrifying—and to be honest, that feeling of sending a new project out to be read will always be a little bit scary.

How many trunked books (if any) did you have before you were agented?

When I completed my first novel, I wasn’t well versed in the industry. I had no idea what the parameters were for different audiences and genres. I just wrote a story that I loved and decided to send it out to agents. I learned the hard way in many, many form rejections that this first book wasn’t working. After getting a few CPs, critique partners, I revised that book over 8 times. But a broken book is a broken book. After nearly two years of rejections, I finally trunked that novel and started a new one. That second book was what got my agent.

Have you ever quit on an ms, and how did you know it was time?

The second novel I wrote was the one that landed my agent. I adored that manuscript. We worked hard for nearly two years revising that book. I poured all of my heart into that manuscript, waiting for the day we were submission ready. When we finally went on submission, I was so sure an editor would love this story the same way I did, but that submission journey was a tough one. That manuscript didn’t sell and I was crushed. After spending three years on that book, I felt like I didn’t have the heart to revise it again, and so I shelved it. I worked on my third manuscript—which ultimately sold and became House of Yesterday—to put distance between myself and that second book, which I’m glad I did because it wasn’t until I allowed a good chunk of time to pass for me to be ready to re-evaluate it. Ultimately, I changed almost everything about that shelved novel and re-sent it out on submission. That book is now Farrah Noorzad and the Ring of Fate.

Who is your agent and how did you get that "Yes!" out of them? 

My agent is Elana Roth Parker at Laura Dail Literary. Funnily enough, I had originally queried Elana with my first manuscript, and she rejected it. When I finished a revision of my second manuscript, I participated in #PitMad and Elana was one of the agents who liked my pitch. Within two weeks of receiving the full manuscript, Elana offered and the rest is history as they say. 😊

How long did you query before landing your agent? 

It took three years, two books, and over two hundred rejections before I finally got my agent!

Any advice to aspiring writers out there on conquering query hell?

As cliché as it sounds, keep writing. For as long as writing brings you joy, keep at it. Find your support system because the rejections will hurt, and I can say if I didn’t have my critique partners, fellow writers to hold my hand and continue to encourage me to keep going, I would have given up a long time ago.

How did it feel the first time you saw your book for sale?

I’ll let you know when it’s November 29th! It still feels surreal to know that people can preorder House of Yesterday now. I think I’ll finally believe it’s happening when I have the finished book in hand.

How much input do you have on cover art?

I was lucky to have a team that let me in on cover conversations early. My editor and the design team at FSG really listened to what was important to me regarding artist selection and the vibe of the cover. We went through a few rounds with the cover and each time, my editor asked for my input. It was a wonderful experience!

What's something you learned from the process that surprised you?

How much promotion there is! I mean, I knew it would take up a good chunk of my time, but it wasn’t until I got into the thick of it where I realized creating assets, promoting, creating social media content, preorder campaigns, etc is a whole full time job by itself!

How much of your own marketing do you?  Do you have a blog / site / Twitter?  

I do a lot of my own marketing! There’s so much behind the scenes work I didn’t realize I’d need to do until it was the time to promote. It’s been a learning experience to see what works and what doesn’t, but I’m learning to go with the flow and putting effort into things that feel good to me. One marketing tool that is good to have is a website with a purchased domain. Mine is www.deebazargarpur.com. I find it’s better to always direct promo and buy links to your site to generate traffic and for potential customers to click around and get to know a little more about you.

I’m also (sporadically) on all social media—IG, Twitter, TikTok—at @deebazargarpur.

When do you build your platform? After an agent? Or should you be working before?

This is tricky and often feels like a double edged sword since platform is often associated with social media. I think there are many ways to build a platform that isn’t tied directly to social media. Yes, having a strong online presence is desirable to publishers, but not everyone is an online person. Platform can extend past follower numbers. Being involved in your local community, providing support and awareness of who you are IRL is also helpful. Unless you’re writing non-fiction or memoir, I would say platform is not necessary to work on prior to getting an agent, but being a part of your local literary community is always a plus.

Do you think social media helps build your readership?

It depends. I’m a big believer of only being on spaces that bring you joy and to only engage in social media platforms you enjoy posting and interacting on. Readers crave authenticity, and I find readers can often tell when an author is only engaging on a platform because they feel they have to. All said, while I do feel being active on social media can help build readership, it only really works if what you’re putting out there is genuine and gives you joy. Otherwise, I would say it’s not needed. There are many other ways to build readership offline, and it’s okay to not be an online person. Using myself as an example, I find more joy connecting with readers offline, in person at events or conferences.

Deeba Zargarpur is an Afghan-Uzbek American. She credits her love of literature across various languages to her immigrant parents, whose eerie tales haunted her well into the night. If given the choice, Deeba would spend her days getting lost in spooky towns with nothing but a notebook and eye for adventure to guide her.