by: Regina Buttner
If you should happen to do an internet search for “Dating over 50,” you’ll find tons of advice, most of it geared toward middle-aged women. Your search will yield bullet-pointed lists of issues for the mature dater to consider as you “get back into the game.” Dating in our fifties is different from what it was in our twenties, the experts caution, and we must take that into consideration as we re-embark on our search for love. We are wiser and more experienced now, and our tastes and needs have changed, too.
Well, I certainly hope so! There are some people who yearn for a magical elixir that will restore them to the glory days of their youth when they were wild and free, and their future was a blank page. Not me, though. I enjoyed plenty of good times with my girl crew during our teens and early twenties, going to concerts, taking random roadtrips, partying into the night. We went out with guys who were definitely The One, might possibly be The One, or had no chance at all of being The One. We met guys who we prayed would call us, and guys we hurriedly ghosted, long before “ghosting” was even a thing.
Yes, I had lots of fun in my younger days, but I eventually settled down, got married and started a family. Unfortunately, after the marriage had run its dismal course, I found myself single once again. Learning to socialize as a divorcee was a whole new world for me. Each time I joined my married siblings and their spouses for a dinner out, I felt like I was doing perpetual penance as a third or a fifth wheel. “Why don’t you try one of the online dating sites?” a successfully re-dating friend suggested. “Everyone’s doing it now. It’s not just for losers anymore.”
Thanks, girlfriend. I did eventually agree to give online dating a shot—which turned out to be an apt metaphor. It was like shooting in the dark at a moving target. After a few weeks of scrolling through countless profile photos and reading enlightening bios about Gabe who prefers steak over pizza, and Marcus who was “looking for someone to spend time with” (isn’t that what dating essentially is?), I was ready to pack it in. My inbox was full of messages from catfishers, narcissists, obviously married men (duh, your wedding band is showing in that out-of-focus golf pic), and a disturbing number of outright weirdos. Thank you for your interest, gentlemen, but I’m good!
Time for a paradigm shift. I gave my single situation a great deal of deep reflection, and decided it wasn’t so bad after all. As an unattached person, I have the freedom to do as I please, whenever I please. I can stay up reading till midnight if the mood strikes me, or take off to the beach on a whim. I can cook myself a nice meal at dinnertime, or not bother to eat till midnight if it suits my mood. My dog can commandeer the entire other half of the bed if she wants to (and she often does—she’s a corgi, and corgis have long bodies). Sour grapes? Nah. Those fish can stay in the sea. I’ll be paddling over their heads in my kayak, enjoying the solitary ride.
Regina Buttner is a registered nurse-turned-writer who was raised in beautiful upstate New York, where she spent many years exploring the small towns, winding back roads, and scenic hiking trails in the Adirondack mountain region. She recently traded the snowy upstate winters for the sun and surf of coastal Florida (but in my heart, I'm still a North Country girl!) Her favorite pastimes in the Sunshine State are kayaking among the mangroves, walking the gorgeous beaches, and attempting to teach tricks to my crafty little corgi, Pekoe. Down a Bad Road is her second novel, with more to come!