Regina Buttner on A Humorous Look at NOT Dating Over 50

by: Regina Buttner

If you should happen to do an internet search for “Dating over 50,” you’ll find tons of advice, most of it geared toward middle-aged women. Your search will yield bullet-pointed lists of issues for the mature dater to consider as you “get back into the game.” Dating in our fifties is different from what it was in our twenties, the experts caution, and we must take that into consideration as we re-embark on our search for love. We are wiser and more experienced now, and our tastes and needs have changed, too.

Well, I certainly hope so! There are some people who yearn for a magical elixir that will restore them to the glory days of their youth when they were wild and free, and their future was a blank page. Not me, though. I enjoyed plenty of good times with my girl crew during our teens and early twenties, going to concerts, taking random roadtrips, partying into the night. We went out with guys who were definitely The One, might possibly be The One, or had no chance at all of being The One. We met guys who we prayed would call us, and guys we hurriedly ghosted, long before “ghosting” was even a thing.

Yes, I had lots of fun in my younger days, but I eventually settled down, got married and started a family. Unfortunately, after the marriage had run its dismal course, I found myself single once again. Learning to socialize as a divorcee was a whole new world for me. Each time I joined my married siblings and their spouses for a dinner out, I felt like I was doing perpetual penance as a third or a fifth wheel. “Why don’t you try one of the online dating sites?” a successfully re-dating friend suggested. “Everyone’s doing it now. It’s not just for losers anymore.”

Thanks, girlfriend. I did eventually agree to give online dating a shot—which turned out to be an apt metaphor. It was like shooting in the dark at a moving target. After a few weeks of scrolling through countless profile photos and reading enlightening bios about Gabe who prefers steak over pizza, and Marcus who was “looking for someone to spend time with” (isn’t that what dating essentially is?), I was ready to pack it in. My inbox was full of messages from catfishers, narcissists, obviously married men (duh, your wedding band is showing in that out-of-focus golf pic), and a disturbing number of outright weirdos. Thank you for your interest, gentlemen, but I’m good!

Time for a paradigm shift. I gave my single situation a great deal of deep reflection, and decided it wasn’t so bad after all. As an unattached person, I have the freedom to do as I please, whenever I please. I can stay up reading till midnight if the mood strikes me, or take off to the beach on a whim. I can cook myself a nice meal at dinnertime, or not bother to eat till midnight if it suits my mood. My dog can commandeer the entire other half of the bed if she wants to (and she often does—she’s a corgi, and corgis have long bodies). Sour grapes? Nah. Those fish can stay in the sea. I’ll be paddling over their heads in my kayak, enjoying the solitary ride.

Regina Buttner is a registered nurse-turned-writer who was raised in beautiful upstate New York, where she spent many years exploring the small towns, winding back roads, and scenic hiking trails in the Adirondack mountain region. She recently traded the snowy upstate winters for the sun and surf of coastal Florida (but in my heart, I'm still a North Country girl!) Her favorite pastimes in the Sunshine State are kayaking among the mangroves, walking the gorgeous beaches, and attempting to teach tricks to my crafty little corgi, Pekoe. Down a Bad Road is her second novel, with more to come!

Laura Griffin on Word of Mouth

It’s time for a new interview series… like NOW. No really, actually it’s called NOW (Newly Omniscient Authors). This blog has been publishing since 2011, and some of the earlier posts feel too hopeful dated. To honor the relaunch of the site, I thought I’d invite some of my past guests to read and ruminate on their answers to questions from oh-so-long-ago to see what’s changed between then and now.

Today’s guest for the NOW is Laura Griffin, author of Deep Tide, the story of an undercover FBI agent and a coffee shop owner who must team up when a local barista is found dead in their coastal Texas town.

Has how you think (and talk) about writing and publishing changed, further into your career?

I used to rely on bestseller lists and rankings to point me to what to read, thinking rankings equated with quality. But now I know that a book’s commercial success can sometimes be attributed to random factors. So now I rely much more on word of mouth. If a trusted friend or fellow author tells me a book kept them up all night or changed their worldview then I quickly add it to my TBR list, sight unseen.

Let’s talk about the balance between the creative versus the business side of the industry. Do you think of yourself as an artiste or are you analyzing every aspect of your story for marketability? Has that changed from your early perspective?

To me being an artiste implies someone who is passionate about their work. I think passion is key, no matter where you are in your career. Readers can tell when that spark is lacking, which is sometimes the result of an author (and possibly an editor) who are under pressure to cater to some specific trend in the marketplace instead of what comes naturally. 

The bloom is off the rose… what’s faded for you, this far out from debut?

Experience in this business can be a good thing in terms of keeping an even keel. I no longer get upset out over little bumps in the road, such as a moved pub date, a disappointing cover design, a negative review. But it’s important not to get jaded and to celebrate all the wonderful victories along the way. I love, love, love going out to celebrate pub day. It so exciting when my new book is out in the world!

Likewise, is there anything you’ve grown to love (or at least accept) that you never thought you would?

I have come to accept that it is not possible to please everybody. It’s such a basic idea and also so liberating! You don’t need everyone to love your book. You just need a collection of people to love it as passionately as you do! Finding those people, and hearing from them how about your story and characters touched their lives, is one of best parts of being an author.

And lastly, what did getting published mean for you and how was it changed (or not changed!) your life?

That first book contract is such an exciting milestone. Getting published meant that I had the green light to pursue the career I had dreamed about since I was a child. I always wanted to write stories, and did from an early age. Being a published author meant I could put that dream front and center in my life. To aspiring authors I would say you don’t need a publisher to give you permission to do that. You first have to do that for yourself. If writing is important to you, prioritize your writing time and resist distractions. There are so many homes for so many different stories, so don’t give up!

Laura Griffin is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of more than thirty books and novellas. She is a two-time RITA Award winner, as well as the recipient of the Daphne du Maurier Award. Booklist magazine calls Laura's popular Tracers series "the perfect mix of suspense and romance." Laura got her start in journalism before venturing into the world of suspense fiction. Her books have been translated into fourteen languages. Laura lives in Austin, Texas, where she is working on her next novel. Visit her website at http://www.lauragriffin.com and on Facebook

India Holton on the Inspiration for The Secret Service of Tea and Treason

Inspiration is a funny thing. It can come to us like a lightning bolt, through the lyrics of a song, or in the fog of a dream. Ask any writer where their stories come from and you’ll get a myriad of answers, and in that vein I created the WHAT (What the Hell Are you Thinking?) interview. 

Today’s guest for the WHAT is India Holton, author of The Secret Service of Tea and Treason, the story of two rival spies who must brave pirates, witches, and fake matrimony to save the Queen.

Ideas for our books can come from just about anywhere, and sometimes even we can’t pinpoint exactly how or why. Did you have a specific origin point for your book?

The Secret Service of Tea and Treason originated with the character of Daniel Bixby, who was the hero’s butler in The League of Gentlewomen Witches. I hadn’t intended him to be anything more than a bit player, but then he walked into a scene with his deadpan attitude and his sexy glasses, and I was instantly smitten. Plus the gossip network of servants to which he belonged intrigued me, if you’ll pardon the pun. 

Once the original concept existed, how did you build a plot around it?

This is the most fun part of the writing process! When I have a concept, I first create a blurb for it, which is just a few lines capturing the heart of what I want to tell. If it’s impactful, I know I’m onto something. Then I write a synopsis of the plot. I work on this for quite a while, layering in hooks and character arcs until I have a comprehensive overview of the story that still gives me breathing space while writing. This approach helps me see very quickly if a plot is engaging and will hold its momentum.

Another thing I find helpful is to have a few scenes vividly in mind so I’m sure my imagination as well as my intellect are up to the job. Ironically, the scene that I used as a foundation for Tea and Treason’s plot ended up being just one line in the book!

Have you ever had the plot firmly in place, only to find it changing as the story moved from your mind to paper?

Always! This is why I use the synopsis method rather than a detailed plan. It’s like having a blueprint of a house and then being free to decorate each room, maybe even take down a wall or two. For example, the main characters in Tea and Treason, true to their rule-obeying nature, tried to follow the synopsis nicely, but the side characters went off on tangents, created unexpected twists, and generally had a field day with my ideas.    

Do story ideas come to you often, or is fresh material hard to come by?

They used to come thick and fast, but these days they’ve slowed right down, probably because I’ve developed a better sense of what ideas will work as a novel. This is a relief, because having a wealth of stories you can’t wait to write is less fun than it sounds! 

How do you choose which story to write next, if you’ve got more than one percolating?

I look at my body of work thus far and what I want to do with my brand going forward. I consider the market and consult with my agent. Then I make a rational decision wild guess based on that. 

I have 6 cats and a Dalmatian (seriously, check my Instagram feed) and I usually have at least one or two snuggling with me when I write. Do you have a writing buddy, or do you find it distracting?

I’m not able to have pets in my current home so unfortunately am catless for the first time in my life, which is a sore trial to me. Writing goes so much more easily when you have a purring ball of fluff curled up on your lap. On the other hand, I recently puppy-sat for a couple of weeks and barely got any work done. Puppies and writing are not a productive mix! 

National bestselling author India Holton lives in New Zealand, where she grew up running barefoot around islands, wandering forests, and messing about in boats. She writes historical fantasy romcoms featuring unconventional women and charming rogues. Both her books have been Indie bestsellers, Amazon Editors Picks, and featured on several Best Of lists. The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels was a New York Times Notable Book of 2021. India's writing is fuelled by tea and thunderstorms.