Today's guest on the podcast is William Schreiber, William’s novel, Someone to Watch Over, won the 2019 Rising Star award from the Women’s Fiction Writers Association. The novel is based on his original screenplay, which has won or been nominated for many awards, including the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ Nicholls Fellowship in screenwriting.
The Saturday Slash
Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
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Impulsive 17-year-old Kyla has lived in the underground caverns bordering the Adara Desert for as long as she can remember. Interesting, I'm immediately curious as to why above ground isn't an option, however I don't know if it's a strong enough hook. Confined underground, she finds her independence the only way she can- by escaping to the desert surface whenever her mother isn’t looking, spurred on by incredibly vivid dreams that seem to be more than just the creations of her mind. I think you need to explain the dreams, and if they are that vivid and moving, perhaps they should be the hook.
When she is discovered on one of those forays, Kyla and her people are captured and transported across the desert to the mountain city, the same one that her people Echo with "her people" had escaped from nearly two decades ago. Why did they escape? What were they running from?
Fugitives to a cause Kyla is only just beginning to understand, which is kind of a problem because I don't actually understand it either, and I think I need to in order to buy in to the idea Kyla finds herself sentenced to theft she didn’t commit, and thrust into imprisonment in the dangerous mines. Trapped in the darkness with criminals of all types, Kyla barely escapes the first night with her life. Again, this is murky. She and her people are captured for some reason that I'm not clear on, then returned to a city they left for a vague reason, and then she's accused of a crime she didn't commit? Right now you're being too vague, so that plot points feel arbitrary.
But when Kyla finally emerges from the mines, the reunion she has been searching for turns deadly, where Kyla has to learn what family truly means in order to find, and unleash, the source of her power. Same problem, it's too vague to be compelling. I didn't know that finding out what family truly means was part of the plot, and I had no indications that she had a power until the very last line.
SPINNING DREAMS is a YA fantasy novel complete at 85,000 words. It will appeal to fans of Laura Sebastian’s ASH PRINCESS trilogy or Tracy Banghart’s GRACE & FURY. I graduated from the University of Reno, Nevada with a degree in journalism, which helped fuel my career as a website copywriter. In the rare moments when I am not writing, you can find me at the park with my dogs.
Good comp titles and good bio, but right now the body of the query is technically sound, while being so vague as to not pique my interest. I assume the dreams are important, since that's the title, and probably tied to her power... but the query itself gives no indication of that whatsoever. You've got to be bald-faced in a query, not leave things to be discerned.
Right now this just reads like - there are good guys, and some bad guys, and some unfair things happen, and this girl is special. Which, honestly that could be any YA fantasy. Get those specifics in there to show what about yours is special and different.
Writer, Writer, Pants on Fire Is On Facebook!
I’ve been blogging since 2011, and podcasting since 2017. I started the blog as a way to pay forward the good advice and mentorship that I’d received from authors who were ahead of me in the game. Since 2011, blogs have gone almost extinct and interaction on them is nil. I’ve often considered shuttering the blog, only to have someone reach out and tell me how much it means to them.
I started the podcast with the idea of pushing the blog forward, and it’s gone well. The blog and podcast are the highest trafficked points on my site. That being said, it’s time to get feedback!
Writer, Writer, Pants on Fire now has a Facebook page. Like and Follow, and let me know what you’d like to see more of (or less!) on the blog. Mention guests you’d like to see on the podcast, or topics you’d like to hear discussed. Also, if you’ve got a specific question about your publishing journey, your work, or are just looking for some good old-fashioned advice, post on Facebook and let me know!
I’ll pick questions from listeners to address on each new episode.
Stay tuned in 2021 for interviews with agents, editors, and an upcoming series titled “You’re Doing it Wrong.” In it, I’ll have experts in their fields (doctors, police, firefighters, you name it!) telling us what they see books, TV and movies getting wrong about their profession.
Help shape the future of the show by sharing your thoughts on Facebook!