Harper Collins Editor Ben Rosenthal On the Editor / Author Relationship

Mindy: Welcome to an exclusive editor featured podcast here on Writer, Writer Pants on Fire. I'm your host, Mindy McGinnis. Today's editor guest is my own editor, Ben Rosenthal of Katherine Tegen books where he is a senior editor. Ben acquires mostly middle grade and YA fiction with select nonfiction graphic novels and picture books. He's worked with such award winning authors and illustrators as myself, Tiffany D. Jackson, Elliot Schrefer, Armand Baltazar and Frank Morrison. Prior to joining Katherine Tegen, Ben was an acquisitions editor at Enslow publishers where he edited nonfiction and middle grade fiction and created a teen fiction imprint, Scarlet Voyage. 

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Mindy: We're gonna start with the basics - what you like working with. I know obviously middle grade and YA but talk a little bit about what kinds of projects you really enjoy working with, and anything in particular that you're looking for at the moment or you would like to see more of.

Ben: I think about this a lot because I feel like my list as a whole is very eclectic because I have pretty wide ranging taste. I'm always worried if people feel like I'm too scatterbrained. For middle grade, I tend to like more fantastical adventures, epic stories where there are big worlds and sweeping adventures. My middle grade list is more fun basically, whereas my YA list is more fun in a different kind of way. And YA, it tends to be a lot more contemporary, dealing with some very serious ideas and distinct perspectives. I really like giving teens books that they can really sink their teeth into and explore, both individual ideas like things that affect the human condition, but then things that are talking about society as a whole. 

I'm really looking for distinct point of views. People of color, people from marginalized backgrounds where their stories haven't been told as often or as certainly as often as we need. I was thinking about this yesterday because I had an author in my office, Justin Reynolds whose book is coming out next year. And he was talking about his book, which is this YA novel that's kind of like Before I Fall meets Everything, Everything. It's like a time loop romance, which is sort of different I guess from my YA list. But it's amazing. It's about these two black characters. One of the things he was talking about how he really wanted to show a black family and just have it be about these kids. Race always informs the character's point of view. So they're black characters, but it's just a love story. I really like what he had to say about that. What I'm looking for now? I have no idea, frankly.

Mindy: It’s okay that way you're open, right?

Ben: I feel totally full. I am kind of open because I need to be head over heels in love with something to even really feel like I can take it on. I'm having a hard time nailing down exactly what it is I'd like to see because I - in addition to having a full list - I feel like I have a lot of different things. I have graphic novels. I have non fiction. I have a picture books, biographies. I'm just looking for something with a really strong voice that can either make me laugh or make me interested. 

Mindy: I realize that agents may not approach you with things they know you don't want. But what is something that you have seen too much of or something that just turns you off why

Ben: Fantasy? I mean, I don't read it, so that's part of it. It's something we publish a lot of at Harper and we publish a lot of it very successfully. I just feel like we already have a lot of really great editors who are seeking it out and publishing it really well, and a lot of brilliant authors. If I found something I was enamored with, it's not like I would eliminate it, but I don't need to add that to our list because we're already doing it really well. It's a really crowded area. There's a lot of it partially because there's a demand, clearly. Although recently I was having lunch with an agent and I said you know, what would be kind of cool is I’d love, like a really funny YA fantasy. I always feel like YA fantasies are so dark and heavy and don't tend to be funny. I don't know, I just think that that would be kind of refreshing.

Mindy: Like The Princess Bride

Ben: Yeah, like I feel like that would be pretty cool. 

Mindy: It's the hardest thing to do, right?

Ben: Yeah, it is hard. I mean you do it pretty well. But yeah, it's hard. It is not easy and it's funny too because even people who I'd say are actually good at it often still don't even make me audibly laugh a lot. It’s definitely always something I look for because as you're saying, it is so rare. I have a YA coming out in August called Heretics Anonymous, that's really funny and made me audibly laugh. I'm excited about that. I mean it's tough. Absolutely.

Mindy: Well, humor depends so much on delivery, facial cues and body language and you don't have that. You just have the text that you're putting in front of your reader. And I think that's a huge challenge for writers and I think specifically when that is your niche, you know, it doesn't matter what's going on in your life personally, if you are expected to deliver humor. you better be funny. 

Ben: Especially consistent humor, too. It's like some people can get a couple of good jokes in a book. Minor characters provide some comedic relief, but like to make a book consistently funny, chapter by chapter. It's really difficult. The book I mentioned is Heretics Anonymous, Katie Henry, she's a playwright. She starts her manuscripts with dialogue and her dialogue is just incredible. You know, not that you need to be a playwright to be funny obviously, but it's certainly it's helped her because her comedic timing is just really good. The dialogue feels very natural. I mean with film or tv, like how many truly funny shows or movies are there? Truly funny, where you like, laugh out loud. That's just a hard thing to do. 

Mindy: I will say Barry on HBO. 

Ben: I haven't watched it yet. 

Mindy: Extraordinarily funny. Brooklyn 99 is funny.

Ben: That is funny. Yeah, that's a good one. And with reading too, which is why it's even harder. Like if you watch a show or if you go to a movie and other people laugh, you laugh more. When I've gone to a comedy show I laughed more even if the jokes aren't as funny. It's just something about other people laughing that really helps. But when you're reading you're by yourself. So it has to be really funny for you to laugh because otherwise I don't know you just you don't do it. 

Mindy: It has to be completely spontaneous. It's difficult. If I laugh when I'm alone in a room. I'm just like, oh I just did that.

Ben: It feels weird. It's like, wait shouldn't have done that. What's happening here?

Mindy: I brought some social mores. Make note, Ben likes funny stuff.

Ben: I do. 

Mindy: In order to write humor, you actually have to be funny and not many people are actually funny.

Ben: It can't be forced. There's got to be some kind of organic quality to it where it doesn't feel like I'm trying to make you laugh on purpose. I'm just making you laugh because I happen to be funny. 

Mindy: I think a lot of people have a misconception of an editor's role. I'm often asked, especially by aspiring writers, if my editor ever makes me change things with my books. So can you talk a little bit about what an editor does with the manuscript and how they work with the author?

Ben: It's different from author to author, depending on the style the author wants to work in. When I'm writing an edit letter to an author, what I'm trying to do is ask as many questions as possible, because one of the reasons I'm doing that is because I'm trying to figure it out myself, too. And so my goal is to kind of look for the areas where I feel like we want to work on something, whether it be like this character is not quite working or there's a plot hole or it's not a strong enough through line. Pose questions to help both of us think about it. I do make some suggestions, but I'm very comfortable with an author being like no - I mean you certainly said no to me on many occasions. Sometimes we'll go back and forth because I really think something's important. 

But ultimately, like, I want the author to feel they've come to the decision on their own to do this or not do this because it's that person's book. I want to try to get it to be as best as it can be, as obviously the author does, but there comes a point where they need to be happy with what the words say and what the story is doing. So I always feel like that's my job is to try to get us and the author to really dig as deep as possible into the story, into the characters, into the plot and make sure we're answering all the questions that we want the story to answer. When a reader reads something, obviously they want to be entertained. But a lot of it is they end up thinking and reflecting about something and if something doesn't make sense, then that's always annoying. I write edit letters that way. Oftentimes after I send an edit letter, like we either set up a call to talk about it or just go back and forth on email. So I like to think of it as a dialogue because obviously there are many ways to do something, but it can be the most effective way to do this. I never make anyone change anything. 

Mindy: Right. Right. Well, and I think that's a huge misconception because I hear that a lot. I mean often when I am doing events, at libraries or if I'm at a festival and I'm doing a panel so many times I’m asked - Have you ever had to change anything that your editor made you change that you wish you hadn't changed? And there's this assumption that that has in fact happened and they want to hear that story and I'm like, no. I was like, if anything I buck my editor all the time and it's just like, that's how it works. It's very much a collaboration. I think they have the concept of the buck stopping with the editor and I'm sure that there probably are some editors that operate that way, but I can't imagine that they would be terribly successful. 

Ben: I mean, I don't know the closest thing you ever get to, like for me where I make someone change some things, I just feel really strongly about it. I'm going to present the argument for why. I think this will be a problem if we don't make this change. Usually we come to some kind of agreement about why the change should be made. But I wouldn't say that's making anyone do anything. If I can present a clear argument for why something should be some way and we agree to changing it, hat's a collaborative process. If I'm imposing my will on the book, I feel like that's just a dangerous game.

Mindy: Agreed. And I also think with my experience with you and with Sarah and with Ari my other editors that I've had has always been that if the editor sees something most of the time, honestly, the editors are right. And the author is too personally invested in a scene or a twist or a character quirk or whatever the case may be and they're just not seeing the issues or why it's a problem. Most of the time, my experience has been that the editors will say this isn't working, this is why I believe it's not working. And then they offer a solution. Usually I reject their solution, but I come up with my own and we parry back and forth until we have a solution that wasn't necessarily mine, it wasn't necessarily yours. But the initial issue of - this wasn't working for me - most of the time, I'll come around to seeing it. Not always, but a lot of the time and usually we come to a fix that is a result of mutual brainstorming. 

Ben: Yeah, exactly. And I think that's all, that's the goal is to make sure you can get to a place where the change feels very organic to what you wanted it to be. Sometimes it isn't what the editor suggests and it isn't exactly what you suggest, but it's something in the middle, somewhere on the spectrum of whatever that change is going to be. I think that works pretty well. Trust is such a big part of it. The more you can get on the same page as author and editor, usually the better you can work together.

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Mindy: Now as a former librarian, people often told me they were jealous of my job because I got to sit around and read all day, which was totally not the case. I'm sure that you do a lot of reading as part of your job, but it's only a single element. I know often you tell me that you read on the train to and from work. So what is your day like at the office? How much reading is actually done at the office? Take us through the day of an editor, basically.

Ben: I don't get to do a lot of reading at work. The morning is usually spent reading submissions on my phone because I get motion sick. So I have found that my phone is actually the best way to combat that on the train. The day, obviously it depends. There's usually some like amalgamation of meetings and emails, which is a lot of the day, frankly. You know, meetings with design to talk about covers or meetings with marketing, meetings with publicity. Think of it as kind of like a film director because you're at the center of everything and you're communicating. Like we talk to everyone. So we talk to management, the copy editors, we talk to production, we talk to design, we talk to marketing, publicity, sales. Within the company we’re the center of the project. You kind of need to be aware of every moving piece so that we can communicate that to the author. And so that the author can communicate that to us. I mean a huge part of the job is communication, verbal or written. I spend so much of my day talking to people. Probably it’s not what you'd imagine for an editor because it seems kind of like a sit at your desk, reclusive kind of job, I guess. And certainly there are parts of it like that. But it is amazing how much you spend your time talking or writing to people. 

Mindy: Lots of take home, I'd imagine then. 

Ben: So most of the editing I do is either in the evenings, on the weekends or I work from home one day a week and that is a very important day for me. 

Mindy: I’ll be writing while I'm traveling. I'll be promoting one book and writing another and people will say, how do you do that? How can you work like that when you're on the road and you're constantly moving? This is actually the best time for me to work because I have no other duties. Like, I can turn on the outside persona where I go and I'm doing the promotion. But I don't have to clean a house, I don't have to make any food, I don't have to mow a yard. Everything is taken care of for me. I can literally pick up a phone and have food brought to me. I'm being waited on hand and foot like in a hotel. This is the perfect time to write, when I'm on an airplane for 4-6 hours. People aren't talking to each other. This is the perfect time to write, this is the perfect time to get it done. For me, when I'm traveling, I actually find that to be some of my most productive times because I don't have other demands on my time other than email. Emails always. I mean, I answer email for 2, 2.5 hours every day, so I can imagine that yours is even worse. 

Ben: Yeah,it's a lot, it's a lot of email. One of the things I've been doing the last few months is when I do work at home, I get up at my normal time and I get to this coffee shop in our town by like, 6:30 and by 9:30 I feel like I've done a full day's work because it's just so rare to get, like, three hours totally uninterrupted. And I leave feeling like I've conquered the world because I found much I've accomplished in such a short amount of time. I was never a believer in like, people who went to coffee shops to work always felt kind of like, performative to me. But now I'm taking that back because it has really worked.

Mindy: One time in my life, I worked in a coffee shop. I was on the road and I was with a fellow author. I was with Liz Coley and she always works in coffee shops and we had three hours downtime in between appearances and we were already out of our hotel. We checked out. She's like, well, we'll just find a coffee shop inside. I was like, oh God. And then I'm like, yeah, ok, sure. I got my coffee and my little doughnut or whatever, and we sat down and by God, I kicked out a short story. 

Ben: Yeah, this works. That's why you should never judge anything until you've done it. 

Mindy: No, I've learned my lesson. People outside of publishing are always surprised when I tell them it takes 18 months to two years for a book to go from contracts to publication. They are just shocked. They're like, well, isn't it finished? And I'm just like oh, you don't understand. So what's the lifetime of a manuscript like from when it crosses your desk to publication day? 

Ben: The acquisition process at Harper, is pretty formal. When I get a submission that I love. I'll just send it to my boss, Katherine Tegen. And assuming she likes it, I bring it to an acquisitions meeting and that's where different people from the heads of the various departments are there and they've reviewed the material and we have a conversation about it. And depending on what the situation is, If I end up getting the book, it could be like a long time before you actually work on it, because you're balancing your own list. You're balancing the list at large. Well, we think about our own imprint list, and then we think about the Harper Children's list as a whole. Other kinds of factors you might think about for a book, like, if you're doing a series that would really have great Halloween promotion, like All right, well then it has to be on this particular season. Yeah, it could be three or 4 or 5 months before you actually sit down to edit the book. 

You know, the editorial process is a couple of months, sometimes three months, it depends how much work needs to be done. But that's just the back and forth we were talking about already. And then once a manuscript is done, you submit it to copy editing, there's the copy editing stage. And all while this is happening, like while we're working on it, having the cover designed and talking about that. You launch the book which is like this big meeting where editors get to present their titles to the whole division. The author gets to review the first past pages. Kind of get your last look at the designed interior. The book is proofread and marketing and publicity are working on their plans and you have galleys made and those get sent out and yeah, it's a long road. There's a lot that goes into it. Sales, they go on their sales calls. 

I mean that's part of the reason there is so much lead time is that sales needs time to sell into the stores. I believe publishing is still a little bit too slow. It feels like we could be a little bit quicker than we are now because it is such an old business. It still functions in a lot of ways, the way it used to and there's something kind of nice about that. But there's also something a bit frustrating about it because change is good. Even if it's hard. I'd say two years is a long time to go from contract to publication. But there are a lot of necessary steps that help get a traditionally published book into the right hands. And the way we're currently set up requires a lot of time.

Mindy: How many people would you say ballpark are involved in an individual title and the promotion of it from the editor down to the sales team?

Ben: It's a good question. I mean it's a lot. Editor, copy editor, managing editor, production editor, designer. And then often our design team is fantastic. And they usually find outside artists a lot of times, it's outside artists that they work with. You have potentially one or two or three design people, one marketing director. But usually they're helped by their whole team. You have a publicist. The sales is a team because you have your independent bookstore sales reps and they're kind of region by region. And then you've got B&N sales rep and your Amazon sales rep, and your Books A million sales rep, and your Follet, Ingram Baker and Taylor sales rep. And then you've got school library marketing and so yeah, there's a lot of hands on your book at various times. One of the reasons it does take so long is because we take a lot of care in making sure we publish the best possible book or product because so much goes into it. We want the art to look right, we want obviously the story to work, right? And it takes a lot of time.

Mindy: I think it's worth it as a writer. I actually enjoy, in some ways, that length of time because by the time my book is out, I am somewhat emotionally recovered from the book, if that makes sense. I'm no longer emotionally attached to it. It's not my brand new baby. It's got its own legs now. It can go walk itself out into the world. So I'm able to read reviews, professional reviews and I'm able to process things like that a little differently then when it's very, very fresh to you. It's like a wound in a lot of ways. Got to close a little bit. 

Ben: I kind of agree with that because sometimes when the book comes out, if I'm at a an event and I hear the author reading it or, I don't know, if I happen to just look at it myself. I'm like, oh yeah, I remember that part! I have to like, almost dig in again and it's kind of nice too because it's just like, oh man, this! I forgot about this, this is pretty awesome! This is exciting. 

Mindy: Absolutely. I feel the same way. Well, you know, I wrote the bulk of A Madness So Discreet, very fast in like three weeks. And I picked it up one time at a conference where I was on a panel and it was a big panel. There were like 10 or 12 people on the panel. So it would take a long time for things to come back around to me and I happen to have Madness in my lap. So I just kind of opened it and I was looking at it and I would read something, like that's pretty good, you know? And just be kind of taken aback and be like, oh, I completely forget writing that. I forgot that that happens. It's kind of fun to rediscover something that you yourself wrote. 

Ben: And there's a kind of fatigue when you work on something for so long. You're so deep into it, trying to make it as good as it can be. It's hard. It's hard work. Obviously, if you don't love the work, you probably wouldn't do it. But just because you love something doesn't mean it isn't hard. So it's that distance is helpful because it can kind of reignite the joy, allow you to take some pleasure in it. I mean, that's even hard still. Like it's hard sometimes to not be like, oh, we should have done that.

Mindy: I don't do readings very often because of the fact that I'll open up one of my books and I'll find a section and I'll start reading it. And most of the time I'm actually editing it as I read it, people would not be able to follow along because I'm changing words, I'm dropping things, I'm skipping paragraphs. Like why did I leave that paragraph in there? That's dumb. You know? And so people, aspiring writers ask me all the time, how do you know when a book is finished and it's like it's never finished. I could read a finished book of mine right now, I'd find things to change. 

Ben: I know. Yeah. It's affected the way I read in general. Like I was having this conversation just the other day with Katherine and another editor at Harper, talking about how reading for pleasure has become a challenge. I've had that really, had fallen into that plight. Especially I like to read middle grade and UA because obviously I like it, that's why I work on it. But also because I like to just see what other people are doing and read those books for fun. But also just to get a sense of, you know why it's working or why people love it so much when I read it, I can't help but kind of evaluate it. That's just annoying. I'm getting really annoyed with myself doing that because it's like I just want to read this for enjoyment's sake and kind of having a hard time I can't anymore.

Mindy: I actually had the same conversation with Adriann when I talked with her because I have that experience as a writer. Adriann has that experience from the point of view of an agent because she'll be reading something and she said she'll even think I wouldn't have sold it to that house, I would have taken it to this house. I think that editor would have done a better job. As a writer when I'm reading it, I'll catch echoes, that's my big thing. I'll be like, you just use that word, why are you using that word again? You're better than that, you know? And then always, just dialogue. I'm pulling apart dialogue. I'm assessing. I'm looking at pacing, I'm not just reading the book. A book has to be extraordinary to actually transport me at this point because I am no longer just a reader and it is a very frustrating thing because this is one of my hobbies, this is something that I do for fun. This is a huge element of who I am and it has been contaminated in some ways by work.

Ben: You know, It's so true, so true. One of our editorial assistants, she's a big comics and graphic novel fan and I acquired a graphic novel like a year ago or something. And I've read them a lot as a kid, I read comics a lot as a kid. I had been away from them for a long time and I I really like them and I read them sporadically. But it was fun. I actually really got to read this because I want to really kind of understand the craft of graphic novel. She was like, well you should read Saga. I think it's incredible. It's pretty high sci fi fantasy which isn't necessarily my thing, but it's hilarious. Like it's really funny. 

Mindy: I found myself watching more tv than reading because it's not a medium I can really pick apart because I don't know anything about It.

Ben: I think too, I just get fatigued from reading in general. I do it so much for work that when I get home. I mean there are times where I really do want to read a book, there's something I'm excited to read. But I'm usually so tired that I'll read like 10 pages and I’m done.

Mindy: I actually get migraines now. I'm at this point in my life. Well I started getting them in college because I had to read so much but I just get eyestrain and I get migraines from reading too much. And that's one of the reasons why whenever I'm asked for a blurb I always ask for an ARC or a bound galley instead of an e book because when I am scrolling and I'm tracking with my eyes and I've got the backlight, I'll go to migraine within an hour if I'm not super careful. Even the paper white and all the things that Kindle has tried to do to make it better for your eyes, I can't do it. 

Ben: And because I read on my phone and the print is pretty small. I don't really like to read on my Kindle either when I read at home, it's always a book. 

Mindy: What about audio books? Have you tried audio for pleasure? 

Ben: I used to do that a lot actually, I found that I did not realize I had stopped paying attention and so I would have to either go back or just be like, all right, well, I missed something. Hopefully it won't be a big enough deal for me to know what's going on. So, I had an Audible account for a while. You know, I did enjoy it, but it felt like a chore. It became a chore to me because like, all right, well, I gotta listen to this book in a month because then I get my next credit. Do I want a long book because then I have to really make sure I listen to the whole thing and if I do a short book, is that really worth the credit then? And I don't know, it became annoying. I really like podcasts and that's much easier. So I cancelled my account. I mean, I like audio books and the media might kind of be enjoyable but I wanted it to be an enjoyable experience. So once it started feeling like a chore was like, yeah, this doesn't work for me. 

Mindy: I will say the one thing with audio books that happens to me is that I will, you're talking about zoning out if I'm on a plane, I'll fall asleep. When I'm driving, obviously I can't fall asleep, but when I am on a plane I will fall asleep and I will wake up and one time I don't remember what book I was listening to, but I had fallen asleep and I woke up and I looked at my phone and I had been asleep for about half an hour and I didn't really miss anything and I was like, oh this pacing is pretty off.

Ben: You’re judging it again, right?

Mindy: It’s hard to still be able to participate in a hobby that you enjoy when it's your job as well. So yeah ups and downs of truly loving your job. I guess. 

Ben: I was listening to Jerrod Carmichael, the comedian, he was asked what comedians do you like? or  what are you watching? And he was saying, nothing really. He wasn't saying like there's no one funny, similar to the kind of what we're talking about, like that's not what he gets his enjoyment out of. He's evaluating it and I feel like any time you're really immersed in something so deeply and it's the work you do and it's not just the work you do, but it's your passion. Like you really care about it, you really want what you're making to mean something. Mean something to kids to really have an impact on them. It becomes such a big part of your life that doing that thing for pleasure, obviously it's going to become a little bit more difficult because you're just so immersed so you can't just turn off that part of your brain and be like, no, no, no, this is - remember, this is for fun right now.

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Mindy: Welcome to Writer Writer Pants on Fire, where authors talk about things that never happened to people who don't exist. We also cover craft, the agent hunt, query trenches, publishing, industry, marketing and more. I'm your host, Mindy McGinnis. You can check out my books and social media at mindymcginnis dot com and make sure to visit the Writer Writer Pants on Fire blog for additional interviews, query critiques and more as well as full transcriptions of each podcast episode. at WriterWriterPants on Fire.com. And don’t forget to check out the Writer, Writer, Pants on Fire Facebook page. Give me feedback, suggest topics you’d like to hear discussed, and let me know if there is someone you’d love to see a a guest.

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Mindy: We're here with Saumya Dave, author of What A Happy Family, which is available from Berkeley and it features mental health in a very large way. Talking especially about families from a humorous edge and pressures of internal family mechanisms. I know that my family in particular has a lot of their own little jabs and jibes and things that we all kind of assume about each other as the family member that has a certain role. So for example, I'm the youngest, so my role is to always be wrong. 

I would just like to talk a little bit about first mental health because you are also a practicing psychiatrist, so it's a fascinating coalescence of two different journeys, your career, but then also your writing, coming together and bolstering each other. So if you could tell us first of all what the book, What A Happy Family is about and then if you can tell me a little bit just about the mental health in fiction narrative and what it's like to be exploring that also from your profession. 

Saumya: Sure, well, I love the way you described What A Happy Family with that idea about mechanisms in a family, I think that's such a perfect way to think about it, but in short it's about a family that settled in Atlanta. There are five members of the immediate family and then one member Zach, who is married to the eldest daughter in the family. And the book really goes through how each member of this family navigates mental health in their own ways and the ways that all of these family members hurt each other and then hopefully how they help learn to heal each other. 

So I'm a psychiatrist like you said, and I have been reading fiction for my entire life, so when I was a little girl, I wanted to be a doctor and a writer. And it wasn't until I was in high school in college when people said to me, you're going to have to pick one, you can't do both, not a thing, people don't do that. And I saw that reflected in the community and then the greater world at large around me. So I thought, okay, I do have to pick and I picked the pre-med part of it and thought, okay, I will write later, I will write in my free time. And I learned very quickly that it doesn't always work that way. I know there are a lot of disciplined people out there who can put in their time to all the things that matter to them. But I learned about myself that if I didn't block off hours and if I didn't commit to writing the way I committed to this other career that I was going after, it would get lost eventually. And that was something that really scared me. 

So I, from a young age, turned to fiction to teach me about life. As the daughter of immigrants, as someone who felt like an outsider many, many times growing up. And as I started writing more and more and my debut came out during the pandemic of course, which is great. I've had two books in a pandemic When my debut out in July of 2020, I learned by going to a lot of virtual book clubs that a lot of people turned to fiction to teach them about life, to comfort them, to entertain them. And during my residency training, when I was learning about the ins and outs of psychiatry I realized I wasn't finding very much fiction that explored mental health.There are books out there that do that and they do it really, really well. I just couldn't find one about a family and about the things they do and don't tell each other. 

The roles that they put on each other in the way they may be regressed back into those roles when they're together and how those roles impact their own selves when they're not even with their family members. So in their workplaces and their romantic relationships and their friendships. So, after my debut came out, I thought, what if this is what the second book is about? What if I put together some of the insights I've learned through my psychiatry training and through seeing patients and and put it through fiction and see how that comes out as a story, the kind of story that I always hope to read. 

Mindy: Everything that you're saying about learning through fiction...I think that fiction and reading in general are the quickest path to empathy and I don't know about you, but a lot of people that I know that are also creatives have struggled during this pandemic, to both read and write, definitely want to talk to you about having two books released during a pandemic - what a lovely experience for you. But first I would like to talk about something you mentioned - wanting to be both a psychiatrist and a writer. Those are two huge goals. And first of all, it's amazing to me that as a child you were like, I want both of these things that I'm going to get them. That's awesome. I love it. 

I myself always just knew that I wanted to be a writer. However, what I want to point out about your path that I think is super smart and a wonderful thing to share with my readers is that you did two things that I love here. You made the decision to - in essence - be practical and go the pre med route. If anyone were to ask me, hey, what do I do? Do I become a doctor or a writer? I'm like, you become a doctor and then you write on the side because I can say as someone that worked in the public schools. I was the librarian, but I worked in the public schools for 14 years and I think I had published my fifth or my sixth book before I was able to actually live off of that income. So it is a lovely dream. It is a difficult thing to attain and an even more difficult thing to actually make a living from. 

I love that you instinctively seemed to know that. But then also just had that little, niggling - no, I want to write. And that's so beautiful because it should never be ignored. I always tell people, if you get a flash of inspiration, you grab it, you take it, you go. If you have a dialogue or scene or a title or whatever it is, lightning doesn't strike twice. Once you have it, you grab it, you write it down. If you have that urge to write, in the moment, you need to sit down and do it. 

Saumya: Oh, I love that so much because I think there's so much to be said about keeping our passions alive and present no matter what they are. And all the writers I've met over the years, they feel as though it's this core part of who they are. So when they don't do it for very long periods of time, they want to return to it. And of course that time they vary, because life happens and so many things might be going on. But I've always found that you know, whether it's a week, a month, a year, whatever it is, people who love words want to return to words. 

Mindy: So I love what you said because there's so much power in keeping those things with us and close to us and nurturing them and it's so much a part of who we are like you said, I think you're ignoring a very strong sense of self purpose and drive if you just try to put it in a box and set it aside for now. You lose it. Which is something that you did mention earlier and you run that risk of losing it. But I also think you run the risk of losing part of yourself. 

Saumya: That's so, so true. One thing that was going through my head a lot when I was in college and I was completely focused on the premed path was, is my future self going to be resentful? And that question kept coming up again and again and I realized then, you know, I was in my early twenties at that time that I don't want to be resentful when I'm older, I don't want to be resentful. So what can I do to prevent future resentment? And that question has helped me in a lot of daily and longer term decisions. 

Mindy: That is really cool. I like that a lot that you are asking questions of your future self and saying, you know, what do you want? How do you want to feel? Uh I really like that I actually had a conversation with my boyfriend about future selves and how we thought of ourselves when we were younger, Not necessarily what our goals were, but what we pictured ourselves as when we were children and whether or not our core ourselves have changed. So interesting that you bring this up about yourself and knowing this about yourself at a young age.

I had a similar experience. We're a very midwestern family. I'm from Ohio, I grew up on a farm, that's what we do. We are farmers, we are farmers and teachers, that is what we produce. That is who we are. I come along and I don't want those things, I want to be a writer and I knew that from a very young age, but I didn't necessarily have that phrase. I didn't know that that was what I was doing. What I was doing even when I was a very small child was inserting myself into the narrative. 

So, I would be reading a book and I'd be like, well, if I were in this story, this is what I would do, and I would write a scene with myself and it as a child. So I would be, you know, rewriting Bridge to Terabithia, you know, with me in it and kind of fan fiction in a way, is what we would call it now. But I always took tv shows that I loved or stories, books, cartoons, whatever it was. I would insert myself in it, like, as a new character, create storylines for myself and for these other characters. I didn't know that I was writing, this was just what I did. This was myself. 

I think I must have had the assumption that this was a child enterprise, this was what I did as a very small child and that I would essentially grow out of it the way you grow out of your toys. I get to be 6th, 7th, 8th grader and I'm still doing it. This is what I do in my spare time, is writing stories and now they are usually entirely my own creations. I'm no longer inserting myself into tv shows I'm writing and doing these things in my head, this is how I go to sleep as I'm laying down and creating these narratives, and because I don't know anyone else that does this, and because it is very much a different, a new thing in my family, I was worried that there was something wrong with me, I was worried that there was some sort of mental health issue because I wasn't living in the present and I wasn't living in reality, and I was actually very concerned for my mental health, not knowing that what I was doing was creative, and essentially I was writing all the time. 

Saumya: How did that go from then on? How did you know, okay, I'm a writer and this is what I need to do?

Mindy: I think that eventually I bridged that gap, but as a 13, 14 year old, sitting down with my parents and having this big heartfelt, “Guys, I think I'm insane.” You know, and they were like, oh no, you're not, honey, it's okay, you're just creative and you're imaginative, and this is a good thing. My parents are wonderful people and they've always supported and pushed literacy and reading. And they were like, no, this is good. You're just a very creative person and that's okay. You know, the people around you aren't so you're not seeing it. So you think this is weird. I just needed someone to say this is okay, you're not weird.

Saumya: There's so much power in getting that. And I imagine especially in your teens, to hear that from your family must have felt so comforting to you to know that There was not only support, but there was an explanation for what made you, you. 

Mindy: Yes. One that meant that I was not going down an unsafe route. I think that was my concern was that I wasn't spending enough time doing, quote unquote real things. So yeah, I was worried that I wasn't grounded enough in reality and kind of, operating off of a very 1890s mental health standard for women. 

Saumya: Yeah. That somehow still finds its way into things today too. So I hear that.

Mindy: Yeah, somehow, even as a child, as a teenager, I knew this, I knew that someone somewhere would point at me and tell me I was wrong. Speaking about that support then that I had from my family and bringing it back to your work and especially the novel, What A Happy Family when we're talking about family roles. Those are so powerful. Just in my example, I needed my parents to say this is okay, this is acceptable. And of course I was young enough that that was a huge boon to me to have that grant of permission to continue in this vein. So then, speaking about your novel and some of the different family interactions inside of it, what are those, I don't want to call it power struggles - although it can become that - those different dynamics, how do they play out within the novel? 

Saumya: The novel really explored exactly what you said, you know, how our families receive us or how they maybe don't. And the latter is really what comes out through all of the characters, or at least that was my goal in writing it. And what I wanted to show was how each child, there are three Children in the Joshi family there are, Suhani, Natasha and Anuj and Suhani is married to Zach, so he's also a pretty big part of the story and each of those children. They have the same parents Deepak and Vina, but they turned out so differently, even though they have the same parents. I wanted to explore how that can be possible and how a parent can be different with each child.

So even though the child is of course different, they have their own personality and their own experiences and preferences and all of these different things, they also get different parents with each round. So, Vina you know, comes from such a different background than her husband and she comes from parents who really cared about image and her making something of herself and having something to be proud of for a cause that was purely her own and they felt very disappointed in her for marrying someone and not being an actress the way she had been primed to for her entire life. 

So she takes a lot of that unresolved ambition and it goes into her oldest child, goes into Suhani and she tells Suhani, this is what you have to do in life, this is how you're happy, and this is how I'm looking out for you and what she doesn't realize is that that makes Suhani really count on external measures of success to to be equated to happiness. 

She sees a lot of herself as a woman in Natasha as the second child in the family. And so she acts out of fear a lot in the hopes that Natasha doesn't go through the struggles that she does. But a lot of times that fear comes out as criticism, it comes out as complaints, it comes out as them arguing with each other and really butting heads. And so, you know, I really wanted to show how this woman coming from a loving place, and really just loving being a mom and being a member of this family can have such different impacts on her three children. And then of course how that affects her marriage and how her husband may not always have the same perspective when it comes to their kids as she does.

Mindy: So powerful. I know that all of my boyfriend's throughout high school and onward, when you're really interacting with the entire family would always say, oh my gosh, you get mad at your mom so fast! Why? Your mother is so sweet and so loving and so caring and you just get mad at her so quickly! And she is, she is all those things and it's always coming from a positive place. But it's also like my entire life has been correction, not in a bad way, but always towards her and who she is, which is more quiet, more kind, more for lack of a better word feminine than I just naturally am and it continues on. I'm 42, and as soon as there is any hint of course correction, I'm like, no, don't talk to me. 

Saumya: It's so interesting how that is such a universal thing. I'm the same way with my own mom, with my own dad and you're so right, it doesn't matter how old we are, those dynamics just stay, they stay forever. 

Mindy: They really do. We go back into our younger selves with our parents and it's not always negative, always, it's just a cycle. And uh, that's, these are the roles that we play and I love what you're saying about there being different roles for the parent with each child. I have an older sister and I see how my parents are different with her than they are with me. They're always handling me a little more carefully. I'll just put it that way. Always with the, please don't make Mindy mad. It is not worth it. But then also, it's also hilarious when she's mad. So maybe we should poke her a little. So there's always, there's that back and forth that oscillation. 

Saumya: That's so true. I was also so interested in how Family members who are part of the same memories, the same events, the same trips. They can look back on those and have very different perspectives. So that idea actually came from, I was at home for all of 2020. My husband and baby and I lived with my parents and grandparents for the entire first part of the pandemic. And my siblings and I were talking about this vacation, we went on 15, 20 years ago and I thought the vacation was wonderful. I thought we had a great time and I only have happy memories when I look back on the vacation till this day. So I was telling them that they said, you know, we didn't have a good time at all. You were really bossy, telling us what to do and it was miserable. And I didn't know that until I'm here in my mid thirties that they have a completely different view of that same trip that I continue to have very good feelings about. So, I also got very interested in that idea, that we as family members can be part of the exact same events and have such different takeaways from those events that stay with us. 

Mindy: It's so funny that you say that we had this saying when I was a kid, “Mindy is being a butt,” that was what was often said. I hated family trips, I hated going out into public and now, like as an adult, I know why I don't like being in large crowds. It's not necessarily a fear. It really comes down to identity. I have a very strong feeling of who I am, and when I'm in a very large crowd, I'm surrounded by all those identities and it just strikes a sour chord within me. I don't know why I feel a little bit last. I feel a little bit overwhelmed as a child. That was very intense as an adult, I know how to handle it. Of course, I have a better sense of my own identity. So it's a little different, but as a child, I was literally overwhelmed by personalities, having too many people in one place was too much for me. So when we would go to the zoo or we would go to an amusement park and it's supposed to be a big fun time and I am psychologically miserable and just very unhappy and usually it's hot. So, you know, I'm physically uncomfortable surrounded by people and strangers. I'm also scared of heights so I couldn't ride rides. And then everybody was giving me a hard time for being difficult. 

Saumya: That must have all been so overwhelming.

Mindy: So much, too much of everybody wants to take pictures. And even as a child I had this like, real grip on irony and everybody's like, everybody together and have a happy family picture and I'm like, fuck this. So I would literally turn my back to the camera. They would be like, we're taking a picture of all the Children and the cousins together and I'd be like, no, and I would just turn and show the camera my back and everybody would, you know, uh say, “Mindy's being a butt.” Her butt is what's in the picture. So to this day as an adult when we're in public, they'll be like, “Mindy don't be a butt.” 

I'm like, listen, I’m in a better place mentally now and I know my roles, but it was also I I learned that I would get in trouble then if not, I mean quote unquote trouble, everyone was always fairly kind and understanding, but I would be grumpy and angry and fearful in many ways. So I would be lashing out and then I would get in trouble for being rude or having a temper. So I learned to just shut down emotionally mentally, physically, whatever make myself as small as possible. And just this was how I was quote unquote, being good. Then I get in trouble because I'm not happy.

Saumya: You can't win. 

Mindy: No, I couldn't win. Being an adult and moving through space, and like how to handle myself a little bit better, but also being around other people that function in that same way and seeing their discomfort and how it affects other people and you know, can be the wet blanket. I'm like, okay, I understand how I was being interpreted but also God I was so unhappy and so miserable. And so you know, you're right, those roles, they remain the same. That is essentially still my role in the family. I'm the loose cannon. I'm the one that needs to be controlled or tamped down and mitigated in some way all the time. And as you were saying, it doesn't matter how old you are, this is still who I am within that family system. 

Saumya: Well, I think that what you said about the way you know, when you were at the zoo and how you felt and then how you then learned to present yourself, even if that may have been different from what you were feeling inside. It's such a powerful statement because I think as kids, we can learn even if we don't consciously process it, we learn what parts of us are acceptable socially and what parts are not and so we learn how to adapt in different ways and when you said the part about shutting down, I thought, yes, that must be so common. I can't imagine how many kids there are who feel that shutting down is the safer option and it's the more acceptable option. 

Mindy: Absolutely. And I see it. I still work in schools as a substitute. I ended up going in and working as a substitute in a long term position last year because of Covid and I was with fifth graders and that was the youngest range of Children I'd ever handled. And I knew from my own experiences, especially with youth, you know, once more than one person is correcting them. It's a tidal wave of social unacceptability. The kids they want, especially the helpers. You know, they want everyone in the class to be good and respectful to the teacher. And so if I correct someone, there's immediately four or five little ones going, Yeah, David, you know, it's like, no, no, no, you guys, I'm the adult in the room. You don't get to jump on David, the person being attacked shuts down or lashes out usually shuts down. And I know that feeling and it's so devastating because you are, you're just like, okay, I'm not acceptable. I won't interact and that's so painful. 

Saumya: It is, it's so painful. And you know, I just did a virtual book club last week and one of the members asked, do you think that the family is happy by the end? She was speaking to the title and I told her that I don't know if happiness is always the goal, whether we're talking about the beginning, middle or end of the story. What I hope for any family, any community, whatever group we're thinking about that's connected is that there's more honesty and there's more of a belief that each person can show up as themselves and they feel like they can authentically do that. So just being a holistic person and being comfortable with oneself is maybe more of the gold and happiness, because happiness might not always be there, no matter what the dynamic is that we're talking about. 

Mindy: Absolutely. And I think happiness to people, I love what you said, happiness may not always be the goal. Happiness essentially should be fleeting. I don't think it is, much like anger, it's not a sustainable emotion. 

Saumya: That's such a good point. And I think we don't say that enough. 

Mindy: No, we don't. I always tell people contentment is underrated. 

Saumya: I love that and I love that distinction also between contentment.

Mindy: Happy couple, happy family, happy marriage because of the phrases we use. I don't know those things exist. 

Saumya: Yes, it's so true. And I don't know if, like you said, that should be the ultimate goal, maybe we should change all of those to contentment. Contentment. Friendship with contentment, parent with contentment, all of those roles. 

Mindy: If you were happy all the time, then I think you're probably ignoring something. 

Saumya: That's so true. I was hoping when Natasha goes through a lot of her own journey with her own mental health in the book, she's very hard on herself, but her family and members of the south asian community that she's growing up around there also hard on her too, so it's not all in her head when she thinks that what she brings to the table is not completely acceptable and what she wants to do with her life. She wants to be a stand up comedian, it isn't always well received and it isn't always celebrated, but my hope is that she also sees her strengths. And I remember once when I was learning about anxiety during my training, my professor actually said, well, people who have anxiety, they also are very, very good at planning. They're thinking ahead, it's a future oriented state because you're always anticipating and there's some strength to that, there are a lot of good things that come from that. So the idea is to make sure that it's in an amount that's not hurting someone and it's not maladaptive to what they want to do, but we also should celebrate our full spectrum of whatever it is, we're bringing to the table. 

Mindy: Yes, absolutely, learning yourself, being aware of yourself, those are powerful tools.

Saumya: They’re such powerful tools and I wish that those were encouraged from a young age because I think we learned so many other things in school, which is great. But I hope that whether it's in classrooms, or wherever it is that we just have that encouragement and support to learn about ourselves and to accept ourselves and each other because I think the world would be in such a different place if that was encouraged from the start. 

Mindy: Yeah, I agree completely.

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Mindy: I want to talk really quickly about your publishing journey and publishing in a pandemic. So I think my eighth or ninth book released the week before we went into lockdown and I know how that affected my sales and my marketing and my promotion. And I already had, you know, 7,8 books out. So I had a built in audience. I had a social media presence, I had a platform that I could operate off of as a debut author coming out during the pandemic. I thought about every debut author, I was just like, oh my gosh, these poor writers that had this goal and they attained it and they attained it at a horrible moment for marketing, for promo for everyone. So, if you could talk about that experience and how that went. 

Saumya: Sure. So it was of course jarring. I think the pandemic was trying for people on so many levels, of course. I spent 10 years working on my debut, so I edited it, I rewrote it. I got rejected over 200 times before I found my agent and my publisher. And the book changed from the first draft, of course, all the way to what ended up being the one that got me the book deal. 

But I think that felt especially like a blow because I thought, oh, here's a decade worth of work. I'm going to be able to celebrate it in person with some friends, I'm going to be able to meet readers and none of those things happened. So there was definitely that let down for quite a bit, but I found within a couple of months of it coming out, there were some unexpected silver linings. So I got to meet so many readers through virtual book clubs. I've done about 100 virtual book clubs in the past year and a half. And it's just been so wonderful because some of them have been international, many of them have been out of the New York area where I live. So I felt that I was able to meet and connect with readers whom I otherwise would not have met if we weren't in the pandemic. So that was really great. 

The second part is that I did feel like a lot of people came together, similar to what you were just saying, that people thought, well what's going to happen to these debut authors and even that sentiment and that empathy for us as a group went such a long way. So I had a lot of other established authors reaching out all the time asking, oh, can I do anything to help you? How can I support you? This just must be so tough. And I felt that support the whole way, I think a lot of those people would have been very supportive otherwise, of course, even if I was publishing in the circumstances that I thought I would, but I just really felt such a movement of that for debuts. And I know that a lot of my fellow debuts felt the same way that a lot of people came together to try to amplify our voices and to promote our work and that meant a lot to us. 

Mindy: Yeah, it's a harsh business at any time to come out during the pandemic. You didn't necessarily have to pivot. A lot of us had to relearn how to promote and you just kind of had to say, okay, we're going to create something new and the fact that you did 100 virtual book clubs, That's amazing. And in fact probably even more effective than a traditional approach. 

Saumya: Yes, you know, it's so funny you say that because one thought that kept coming up again and again when I was debuting in the pandemic was - I wonder if this would have been harder if I was an established author because of exactly what you said. The pivoting. This is all I know, I don't know anything outside writing and publishing in a pandemic. I don't know what the other side looks like at all. So I didn't have to relearn and I didn't have to go through those hoops at all. I just walked straight into this. So I think there are hardships no matter what end that you come from. 

Mindy: I agree. I think too that a lot of people had different experiences of the pandemic. I work from home, my life didn't change knowing that the world around me had gone a completely different direction for everyone else and my life was essentially unchanged, which caused some introspection. I can say that, but also reading changed a lot of people that I know that are very avid readers. Suddenly we're having a hard time reading. People I know that I have never read a book in their lives started. The dynamics of the readership, I think changed in some ways because we have people kind of wandering into this world and being like, I never considered reading and now I'm tired of looking at the screen, I'm tired of binging shows, I had this opportunity and I thought I was going to sit down and watch tv for three months and I'm sick of it and I learned something new. I had the opposite where it was like I'm going to roll through this TBR. I couldn't read, I couldn't read anymore. And so many people I know had the similar situation, my relationship with reading changed as soon as I became a career writer as well. So there's been stages of my relationship with reading changing, but one of the things that changed for me was that I had become a very avid audio book reader because I traveled so much that got cut off and suddenly I'm like holding a book - which used to be my preferred method. I'm hearing a voice in my head and trying to match it with a narrator and I'm just like, oh God, like it was making me crazy, this was not what this was supposed to be. 

Things changed obviously for everyone. Creative world changed. Marketing changed. And I do in some ways as you're saying, I envy you and other debut authors that just walked into this and you have those skill sets and I think a lot of the things that you guys experienced are now going to be a new normal, not necessarily because that's how the world is going to be, but Marketing and promotion changed and we found out that you don't have to fly to Florida for a 20 minute book talk. 

Saumya: So true, that's so true. You guys are going to have some skill sets that some of the alumni are going to have to kind of adapt to. 

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Mindy: I know myself, I love traveling. I love meeting people. I don't feel like I get the same connection over virtual, but I think it's changed. I think people are learning how to interact with their screens a little more personally like this and it takes out so many risk factors as well as far as exposure, especially with the things heating up again. 

Saumya: Right, right. I also found that some of the magic still stayed for me as someone who just will always love books. So last year when my debut came out, we were in Atlanta with my family and so my virtual launch was with the bookstore here in Brooklyn, Books Are Magic. So I never saw my book in that bookstore and I've been going there pre pandemic for so many events and when we moved back here when my second book came out and What A Happy Family released, we went straight to that bookstore and I signed copies in person and left them there and I thought wow, this is a magical moment. And yes, it's happening a year later. But that magic is still there and I'm grateful for that because I think sometimes when anything becomes a job, no matter what it is, it can be so natural for it to just become work and for it to not feel like there's a sense of wonder around it. And I think with a lot of the things that we've all lost. I've heard people say, oh I will never take this for granted again. I will never take for granted getting a cup of coffee with a friend or seeing someone from afar in a park or being able to just step outside and walk by people and have conversations that are just daily run of the mill ones. I will never take those things for granted again. So I think there are also these newfound perspectives that have come about and will continue to. 

Mindy: I agree. I wouldn't want to say that I had devalued human interaction, but I wasn't seeing the benefits of it. 

Saumya: Yeah, no, that's so fair. I resonate with that. 

Mindy: Yeah, I wasn't acknowledging even just having a conversation. I go to obviously a very small little grocery store market and talking with the ladies that own the store and just having a little chat, you know, you don't get to do that now. And hanging out with people at my gym after the workout and just be like, man, that was really hard. Like do your glutes hurt? You know, and just having these little interactions. 

Just recognizing the value of those friendships and even business friendships and those, those compartmentalized friendships like at the gym or the market or whatever it is, shopping for groceries, walking through and stopping and getting some water and a mother and her very little boy, like maybe four or five were standing there and he was masked and I was masked and the mom looked over and she was like, oh, I really like your shorts. Because I was wearing my running shorts and she was a runner too. We ended up in a conversation about the benefits of different running shorts. And, and then this little boy was like - my tomatoes are doing really well this year! And he started talking to me about his garden and it was so cute and so sweet and you made me smile for like the rest of the time that I was shopping and it was just, you know, it was like a month ago and I'm still thinking about this little kid that just wanted to tell me about his tomatoes, and it was so endearing. I love that. I love that this child is comfortable doing this. And those little tiny moments that I don't get to have when someone is delivering my groceries to my door. 

Saumya: That's so true. Those daily interactions like you said are fleeting and there's a transient nature to them. I think when we all lost those, we realized how much value they have. Being able to say that quick hello or connect with someone in the grocery store. Those things just make us feel more connected. And it's nice to see some version of that coming back in certain contexts. And I also hope that, you know, that of course keeps going and that we get back to a new normal that's safe and where people still keep those connections alive. I was doing some research on burnout actually just yesterday and found that connecting with others has been proven to help with burnout. There's so many interventions out there for it, but really connecting with others and whatever way that might look is a helpful thing. 

Mindy: Yeah. And I did not give enough credit to the energy that others give me when I'm at home and I'm writing it's all output. It's all output. And if I'm not going out and interacting, I draw energy from other people and those moments they give me an uplift, they give me a smile, They give me everything I need to come back home and be isolated again. Hopefully. 

Saumya: Yes. Yes, that's such a good point. Especially when the work you're doing is solitary work. 

Mindy: Yeah, very much so. Last thing if you could let listeners know where they can find the book, What a happy family and where they can find you online. 

Saumya: Sure. So What A Happy Family is available wherever books are sold. I love supporting independent bookstores. So if you have an independent bookstore in your area, they may already carry it or you can request it and they are wonderful and usually get it within a week. Of course online at all of the online retailers. So Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target dot com, all of those. And in terms of where to find me, I'm at Saumya J. Dave on Instagram and on Twitter with the same username and then my website is www.saumyadave.com

Mindy: Writer Writer Pants on Fire is produced by Mindy McGinnis. Music by Jack Korbel. Don't forget to check out the blog for additional interviews, writing advice and publication tips at Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com. If the blog or podcast have been helpful to you or if you just enjoy listening, please consider donating. Visit Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com and click “support the blog and podcast” in the sidebar.

Ian Dawson On Writing Fiction From Personal Trauma

Mindy: Welcome to Writer Writer Pants on Fire, where authors talk about things that never happened to people who don't exist. We also cover craft, the agent hunt, query trenches, publishing, industry, marketing and more. I'm your host, Mindy McGinnis. You can check out my books and social media at mindymcginnis dot com and make sure to visit the Writer Writer Pants on Fire blog for additional interviews, query critiques and more as well as full transcriptions of each podcast episode. at WriterWriterPants on Fire.com. And don’t forget to check out the Writer, Writer, Pants on Fire Facebook page. Give me feedback, suggest topics you’d like to hear discussed, and let me know if there is someone you’d love to see a a guest.

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Mindy: We’re here with Ian Dawson, author of Midnight House, which released earlier this year. And part of what makes this such an interesting topic is that the story is based upon your own experience of being kidnapped when you were younger by two older teen boys. So if you would like to talk a little bit about that traumatic experience and how it ended up coming to a place where it became a novel. 

Ian: Thank you for having me on. Actually, Midnight House is the second book, the first book, The Field, which came out in 2018, that's based on my experience of being abducted. The second one is Midnight House, the follow up. So in 1993 I was out in the field behind our Redding neighborhood playing hide and seek with a friend of mine. He was hiding. I was seeking, I turned the wrong way down a gravel road, found myself being pursued by two older boys on bikes. They caught up to me and they dragged me into a clearing, terrorized me for several hours until they finally punched me in the face and let me go. So it was a very traumatic experience. A decade after it happened, I was thinking about it as a first person account of what happened and then that slowly evolved into a fictional story that was based around the actual event. And then that became The Field

The woman who read and edited the first book was like, you should make this into a series. I initially had no intention of making it a series. Then I started thinking about what I could do and then I thought of some ideas for the second book and that became Midnight House and that took about five years from initial idea to completion. And then the first book took about 15. I’m hoping the third book gets a lot shorter time from idea to completion. 

That's sort of the genesis of how this series came to be. And they’re young adult novels. I mean they're intense, they're very suspenseful. My mom had to put them down a couple times while she's reading them because especially since the first one is based on true events and the second one has things that have happened to me but it's more fictional. 

Mindy: How old were you when this happened? 

Ian: I was 13.

Mindy: Things are bad enough when you're 13, to then have to endure something like that. I can't even imagine where you ended up, diving into that place in your memories and that experience in order to write The Field. I know a lot of authors find therapy through writing and not necessarily just even as directly as writing their own lived experience, but even just for a general release from the experiences of everyday stress of real life. But when you're dealing with something that is obviously extremely personal like that, I can see it maybe going either way on any given day. And you said it took 15 years for you to really coalesce this into a final product. So was it therapeutic on some days and then maybe on other days it was just reliving a horrible thing? 

Ian: It was cathartic in a lot of ways, they never caught the two guys, so they're still out there. Because it's fiction, I basically made things go the way I wanted them to go to make a more effective story. There is the kernel of truth that was spun into a fictional narrative, but there are things in the book that didn't have to do with me. I had two other characters that were very intense, I wrote them and I had to take a break because it was like, wow, I can't believe I got that dark and went to that place. But that's one of the crazy things about writing is it allows you to take yourself to those places without actually going to those places. But you can still feel all those emotions and those feelings and that intensity. And then you hope that translates from the page to when the readers are reading, they have the same feeling. 

Mindy: Absolutely. I agree entirely. My book, The Female of the Species is a rape revenge vigilante justice book and there's actually a scene where my main character sets a pedophile on fire, burns him alive. Didn't pull any punches on that scene. And I fully expected to get some push back and I didn't. I've never had anyone say to me, you know, that was too much or you went too far and I think exactly what you're saying is what's happening. You get to do this safe exploration of an action that you might wish you could take. But you know that you cannot, for many reasons, be they moral or legal. I think it's really interesting and I think it's a really good point. It also gives you an element of control when you're writing about something that specifically happened to you in your case. In my case, just anger at the world and things that happen to people in it and kicking back on fighting back in a way that is safe. 

Ian: Absolutely. And I think that's the fun part about the writing process, especially the drafting process with The Field and with Midnight House, I would take sequences as far as outrageous as I possibly wanted to. And then I was able to pull it back. So you don't have to censor yourself in the draft because no one's going to see it. So you can just go there and then maybe you read it again, you go - well as a young adult novel, so maybe I shouldn't put that in there and let me just sort of scale that back. The first book. Some of the reviews said it was a little too violent for a young adult audience, but it's like, well, there's nothing really nonviolent about child abduction and childhood trauma, which are two things that are dealt with in the first book and then the aftermath of that is dealt with in the second book as well. These are themes that really don't have a happy essence to them. 

Mindy: Yeah, I write YA too, and I pull zero punches. I worry a little bit about push back. But to be honest with you, I'm always ready for those responses. So, for example, my third book is a gothic historical thriller set in the 1890s. It's about a teenage girl who's pregnant because her father has been abusing her. And I've had some people say, you know, why would you write a book for teens about a young girl whose father is sexually abusing her? And I'm like because that's who it happens to. This is not a shock to them. And they need to see that this happens. And those who do have to live through that experience can be aware that they are not alone. This is not some freak aberration. It is not their fault. And those that are moving in the peripherals of that situation might be able to pick up some clues and be a little more aware of things that might be going on in someone else's life. 

I really have never myself as a writer, held anything back. Now, as you're saying, your first draft is no holds barred. Full send. You go for it. And then you can dial back if you think it's necessary. I definitely have had my editors say, you know, this needs to be dealt back a little bit. Usually he's right. If I have a moral ground to stand on and it's like, no, this is here for a reason. But you know, this might be a little too much description of puking. All right. You know, I'll give on that.  You choose your battles. 

Ian: I think young adult novels, especially in 2021, have more leeway themes and the content that they can express. 

Mindy: Absolutely. Absolutely. I was a young adult librarian and I understand the arguments from both sides because the gatekeepers, they have to worry about their jobs and parents do know their own Children better than anyone else. So if a parent says - this book is not appropriate for my child - more than likely that parent is probably right because they know their child, so I don't have a problem with that. What I have a problem with is when a parent says - this book is not appropriate for any child.You do not know all Children, so you cannot make that claim. 

Ian: Oh yeah, like the parents groups who tried to ban Harry Potter. 

Mindy: I had a few book challenges when I was in the high school library and one of them was for Harry Potter, but it wasn't like... they hadn't actually read the book, they just heard that there was witchcraft and I said - okay, here's what I want you to do, I want you to go home and I want you to try the spells and if they work then there's a problem.I am very much against sugarcoating anything. For teens, especially older teens, they're either living it or they've already seen it or they've already done it. 

Ian: Yeah, because I think especially when you're dealing with YA novels that are based in the real world, you're dealing with real world themes. I think every young adult, you know, witnessed what happened last summer. I don't think you can sugarcoat what happened with George Floyd and that whole horrible situation. Kids are very perceptive, They know what's going on. Sometimes they know more than their parents because oftentimes, parents try to shield their kids, the kids are going to find a way around whatever. Most people, even adults, if you tell them, don't do that, they're going to go do it and say, well, what's so bad about it? 

Mindy: Yeah, I just spoke at a conference a couple of weeks ago to youth services librarians. And I don't have answers for everything. Obviously if I did, I wouldn't be a novelist, but I talked about black and white thinking and how we approach sex education of course, but also drugs and how we bring it to our Children in the school system, especially public school systems and it is very black and white. This is bad, This is good, don't have sex, don't do drugs. And when the kids start to get older, they develop some obviously very natural urges, but also just a curiosity and a desire to explore different things. And I've always thought about those quote unquote good kids that are just simply growing up and maturing and all of a sudden they're like, oh no, I'm not good anymore. I want to do this. This is a bad thing. And I think it can really damage some of our kids. And then those that are already living in a world that has alcohol abuse or drug abuse or sex abuse, they're being told this is bad. And then they're like, oh, I'm bad. 

Ian: Our war on drugs in America is very odd because if you look at films from the past, like Reefer Madness how they start to teach people. And it's like yeah, the war on drugs really didn't work because you can watch Reefer Madness now and go, I know people who smoke pot, they don’t act like raving maniacs who go out and homicidal binges, just like wait a second, who was endorsing this? 

Mindy: Yeah, like literal, actual propaganda. Like we were saying earlier, fiction is a good place to do safe exploration. You don't have to smoke or have sex or or even perform violence in order to get that, I'll use the word “satisfaction” out of experiencing it in a book. 

Ian: You have fictional characters who can make bad decisions and then you can see the consequences of their bad decisions, but no one's affected in real life. Like you said, I don't think we should shy away from reality, where in the end it's like, oh yeah, and everything's okay. No, we're not in Full House. 

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Mindy: Now I think when we talk about things that make people uncomfortable when we talk about assault. I'm an athlete. I grew up on a farm. I have been in pain. I have been injured and hurt many many times in my life. I have never had anyone hurt me on purpose. And I think from what I know, from people that have experienced that there is so much trauma involved and in your case at the age of 13, a breaking of innocence in a way, I would imagine. I don't know your background, so I don't know if this was your first experience with violence.

Ian: Yes. 

Mindy: Then, yeah, I can't even imagine what it would be like to suddenly be thrust into a situation where people are hurting you on purpose and even for their own enjoyment. 

Ian: It was surreal. The experience was surreal because you're like, is this actually happening? It's very hard. I think even as an adult, it would be a surreal experience. You have no way to know what they're gonna do next or they're gonna try next or what the plan is. So that was also very scary, is the unpredictability of the situation. You know, when I got home, the police were in our driveway and I told my parents what happened, the police didn't believe me. They pulled my dad aside and they said that maybe he's just making this up. My dad was like, he's not that type of kid. If he says this happened, this happened. There really was no follow up. I think they called my mom a couple weeks later and they're like, well, we don't know, we don't know, they may have been from out of town. You know, it sticks with you. It gives you an interesting perspective on how real police sometimes can be when it comes to something like this, not to completely denigrate the police. 

My experience with the police is that the guy who comes and sings the, you know, “just say no to drugs guy,” you know, at the school and Mcgruff, the Crime Dog, you know, “take a bite out of crime.” One of my favorite shows is Law and Order, Special victims, unit. Similar situation. I'm a victim of a crime. Olivia Benson, she would have solved this, she would have figured this out. 

Mindy: You really had the veil ripped away in a lot of different ways, Not only did you very suddenly and abruptly experience violence, but you also found out that the good guys, the people that are supposed to be there to protect you and help you and the people you've been told that you can depend on might not necessarily have you as their priority.

Ian: And that's one of the reasons why in the book Daniel, who's the main character, he's abducted. Daniel's best friend, Kyle, basically takes it upon himself to figure out what happened. So the reason it took so long to write this is because the first version involved Daniel getting abducted and then Daniel's dad and a cop near retirement, were looking for him. And it was extremely boring and uninteresting because they were boring characters. And then I had Kyle out searching for him and then that made it much more interesting and exciting. I had Kyle, Daniel's best friend, pacing at home, worried about his friend and then Daniel was being held captive, it's like, well I have two passive characters... like this isn't working, they need to be doing something. So Daniel is trying to escape and then Kyle is trying to find him, okay, now they have an active goal to pursue. So that really changed how the book was in crafting the book and then it was I was able to up the stakes. 

Mindy: That's a hard thing to learn. I know, like having any type of active characters, making sure that everybody is not passive. That's when you do have to learn over time. And you said it took you 15 years then to really put together the first draft of the first book,The Field? I think that's really interesting and I think it's a really cool way, too, kind of combat that overnight success idea that I think a lot of writers look for. It exists, I've seen it happen, but it is rare. And like I myself was trying for 10 years to get an agent before I got published. My fifth book was the one that got picked up and I think it's really useful to talk to people such as yourself who put in 15 years worth of work and I'm sure took breaks, walked away, thought about it, came back revised, redrafted, how did you keep up the feeling of this is worth it? I want to keep doing this? 

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Ian: I kept coming back to it. I graduated from UC Davis By the time 2003 rolled around. I saw it on my computer and revisited it. And that's when I sort of realized this isn't very good. But the idea was there I built around it and then over time moved to L. A. And then I got my masters in screenwriting. And so I'm taking all these classes about story and character and dialogue kept going back to it. And it wasn't easy. I mean, there were times, it was just like, God, it's like - this isn't working, you know? And I'd walk away. I mean, it wasn't me consistently Every single day for 15 years going back to it. There were times and it was like, leave it for 2 to 3 months and then I'll come back to it. And there will be times when I was like, I just be bored at home and just go back to it. And then every once in a while you have the situation where things would just click OK? Yeah, I see where this is going. 

Once I gave it to a friend’s mom who was an editor and she read it, she gave me feedback and she really liked it and she gave me suggestions and notes. And so I was able to revise it from there. Novels have lots of layers to them. And sometimes it takes time for those layers to evolve and come to the surface. You could be focused on story in your first draft. And then as you go back through and you're rewriting, then your characters start to get their parts in a more clear way, and then dialogue and then description that it all sort of comes together. So, I think that's something that's important for new authors to know, is that this takes time, this isn't a one and done. Because sometimes you have to write it, walk away, come back and go, oh, I'm going to get rid of that. You have to enjoy what you're writing, even if it is something as traumatic as using a real world experience, such as mine for The Field. You have to enjoy the process. You have to enjoy the characters you're writing. If you're begrudgingly going back to your manuscript, there's a problem. You’ve got to enjoy what you're writing and you'll be doing it for the right reasons you do. You have to care about it and you have to be willing to go back to it. 

Mindy: I love what you're saying about taking those breaks. You, like you said earlier, this wasn't 15 years of you hitting your head against a brick wall. No, you can't do that. I tell people that all the time, I would take huge breaks sometimes 3,4,6 months because you cannot continually look at your own work and hate it or have other people tell you it's not good enough. In my case, I was querying agents for 10 years and you know, I just kept getting rejections rejections rejections and you can't healthfully live that way. Taking those brakes is important. 

I want to talk too, then about your publishing experience. So why don't you tell us a little bit about the route that you chose? 

Ian: When I was in the process of writing The Field, I had sent out query letters to different publishers. Most of the responses I got back were - this is not what we're looking for at this time. Back then, It was vampires and werewolves. Dystopian novels, zombies. These are the hot tickets, real world fiction really wasn't a thing at the time when I was working on this book. So I started doing research and Book Baby seemed like a good fit because I was able to find my own cover artist. I love both covers that he's done. The first book, I made the mistake of just going with an e book. That's what I started with. Then got my publicist. She was like, oh, you should probably have a paperback too, with the second book. It was cheaper to do both at once as a package, then do both separately. 

One of the reasons I went the self publishing route was I just wanted to get the book out there. That was one of the main things because you hear these stories of course, you know, Stephen King and Carrie was rejected like 87 times and he had a nail on his wall where he put all his rejection letters. And I was able to figure out a budget and that's the important thing. If you're going to do this, it is not not the cheapest way to go. But if you're able to budget and make sure that you can not go into too deep of debt and can still afford to pay your bills and your rent. Because it used to be that if you self published, that was like the scarlet letter. You know the thing - oh you self published, Oh that's not good. But it's like now, you know the book is on Amazon and Barnes and Noble and Walmart, Target. It's more mainstream and I think it's because YouYube and podcasting has made everybody a content creator. So self publishing is just another way of being a content creator. E books and paperbacks, they're just another avenue for creativity for people to use now. So I think it's been more legitimized over the past decade. 

People need to know if you go this route, you're not going to be on the New York Times bestseller list. That's the reality of it. Don't expect to make a bunch of money and don't expect to be on the bestseller list. But have a plan to pay yourself back. So I've been very fortunate being able to work this entire pandemic because I was able to budget, I wasn't able to do other things, I was able to squirrel money away in order to do the second book during the pandemic. 

Mindy: You don't expect to hit the bestseller list. That's true in traditional publishing as well. I have I think 12 books out, I've never hit any list, I'm certainly not rich, but I'm able to, you know, make a living at this and I supplement My and come with teaching and with substituting, doing the podcast, makes a little bit of money on the side. I do actually self publish under a pen name with two other co authors that are friends of mine and you're so right about how self publishing has changed. 

It sounds like we're about the same age and we were both entering into the publishing world right around the same time, I had the same experience yet different in some ways, I had written urban fantasy and was trying to get at that out there. And my problem was there was too much of it. These are a dime a dozen, we don't need another urban fantasy author. One day I'm going to self publish those books, but they've been under my bed for probably 15 years at this point because it just, it hasn't come back around and there are very different voice in a different genre than I write in now. So more than likely I will self publish those and self publishing like you said - It used to be, if you self publish something, it was like you were selling old meat out of the back of your van. Like people were not into that. You could not expect anything like a traditional exposure a lot of the times. People did look down their noses at that and that's just simply not sure anymore. 

I travel a lot. I go to a lot of different conferences and festivals and, I see self published authors with tables right next to traditionally published authors. People want to read what they want to read and they will be attracted to what they're attracted to. Most readers can't differentiate between a self published book and a traditionally published book. They pick it up, they look at the cover, they read the blurb on the back and they make a decision. They don't look to see who the publisher is. 

Ian: And if you're self publishing, it goes back to liking what you're writing because if you're not writing on assignment and you're doing it for yourself, you're not going to make a bunch of money and you're not gonna get the fame and fortune. You have to like what you're writing, you have to enjoy the process and enjoy what you're writing and that gets you through because it's the story that keeps you motivated. As soon as you get into the money as a motivator, I just don't think that that is an effective motivator when it comes to creativity. 

Mindy: The last thing. Why don't you let listeners know where they can find your books, The Field and Midnight House and where they can find you online. 

Ian: If you want to buy the paperback versions of either book, you can buy them on Book Baby. I have promo codes for both on my website, which is The Field YA.  Letter Y letter A (for young adult) dot com. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at the field Y A. So you can join me there and also my website, I do blog posts. I just finished a series about story structure and I also do Writers Workshop Wednesday where I’ll profile an author and put like Youtube videos of interviews with them. 

Mindy:            Writer Writer Pants on Fire is produced by Mindy McGinnis. Music by Jack Korbel. Don't forget to check out the blog for additional interviews, writing advice and publication tips at Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com. If the blog or podcast have been helpful to you or if you just enjoy listening, please consider donating. Visit Writer Writer Pants on Fire dot com and click “support the blog and podcast” in the sidebar.