Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
THE POWER OF FIRE is a first person POV, 85,000-word standalone middle grade fantasy novel with series potential. It tells the story of a young girl who has ancient powers and a destiny with an ancestral society on another planet, blending the dragon within in Dragonborn with the journey of feeling unwanted to finding belonging in Nevermoor. You may want to clarify the author(s) of your comp titles. Fantasy isn't really my arena so I realize these may be highly recongizable titles, but I still recomemend stating the author.
Brenda is a thirteen year old girl who has the power to see dragons when she looks into fire. But what does that mean? If I stare long enough into fire I can see things too. Do they talk to her? What's the importance of this? Her whole life, she has lived with her absent father, like he's distracted? or truly not present? never knowing of her powers until the morning of her birthday. When Brenda joins the academy of her ancestors and learns what it means to belong, she uncovers the planet’s dark past and realizes she may be the only one who can defeat the tyranny that has befallen it. That's a pretty big leap from she gets her powers, her father is absent, and now she's in an ancestral academy on another planet. Also, right now the plot is very vague "chosen one" trope, without really illustrating what makes this story different from every other Chosen one narrative.
Her journey at the academy takes an unexpected turn when she becomes trapped in helping to train a man-eating dragon, and she begins to realize the truth of the darkness overshadowing the academy’s light. Again, very vague. What is this darkness? What is the threat?
As she learns to understand her place in the society, a terrible truth emerges: the most powerful Dragon Lord in history has returned with a vow to destroy the academy and complete his conquest to establish total domination of the planet. Right now this is giving a lot of Harry Potter reboot vibes.
When Brenda’s true destiny is revealed, and the walls of darkness close in around the dreamy brilliance of the academy, she must face the weight of her power while knowing that among her new friends and family, she may be the only one who can save them. What is her true destiny, and why is she the only one that can save them? What is the weight of her power? What is her power, anyway?
But this is not only a story of knowing one’s power. It is a journey into the meaning of nobility, purpose, and inner strength, while subsequently guiding the reader into a true understanding of the deep, unmistakable power of love. As I said earlier, this is all very generic at the moment. The Harry Potter vibe is strong - orphaned(ish) child, chosen one, the big bad one guy is coming back and the MC is the only person who can stop them. You need to get into the specficis about what it is that makes this book different from every other book that follows that trope. What is her power? How does she use it? Find the ways that this book is not like others and capitalize on that in your query rather than walking an agent through a plot they already know and have seen often.