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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
EROXUS: THE AXIS AGENT is a character-driven adult grounded fantasy complete at 118,000 words, blending metaphysics with psychological tension and an atypical romance while exploring the overlap between perception and reality. So I admit fantasy isn't really my arena, but I don't know what a "grounded" fantasy is. it could be a term I'm just not familiar with, though. You probably already guessed that I'm going to point at your word count. Breaking out as a debut is incredible hard. Breaking out as a debut in the fantasy genre is even harder. The market is completely flooded. Try to get that word count closer to 90k to give yourself a better shot.
Eighteen-year-old Jade Starr, a neurodivergent outcast, has spent her life fighting intrusive thoughts she believes mean she’s losing control of her own mind, only for them to begin manifesting in the world around her. Definitely a good hook, however the phrase "believes mean" is awkward. It's not technically wrong in any sense, but I had to read back over it. Also, you don't need to specify that she's losing control of her own mind. I'm just assuming it's the only mind she's supposed to have control of in the first place.
When a raven-headed entity called Enkidou begins appearing to her at the edges of reality and dreams,I don't know what this means. It sounds elegant, but I really don't have any sense of what this would look like, plotwise. he reveals that she is an Eroxian, a cosmic being capable of influencing probability and outcome, and that her intrusive thoughts are not symptoms of illness, but unfiltered manifestations of power that could destabilize the world around her.
After a sixteen-day disappearance she cannot fully account for, Jade is led to Dr. Leo Ingenito, an enigmatic psychiatrist who studies the relationship between neurodivergence and anomalous perception. She soon learns he may be the only one who can help stabilize her thoughts before they manifest, due to a symbiotic bond between them, one that is intertwined with Enkidou. But why does she want the thoughts stopped in the first place? Intrusive thoughts can be anything from violence to sex to suddenly thinking about cake when you're on a diet. What is the danger in her thoughts, specifcally?
As Jade grows into her power, two threats close in: a hostile Eroxian force intent on taking her, and a relentless detective building a case against Leo over her unexplained disappearance. But... why? Why would the force want to take her? And take her where? And why is there a case being built over her disappearance when she's very clearly no longer a missing person?
If either succeeds in separating them, her power, still growing faster than she can control, could break loose and collapse the world around her. But - how? Is her power specifically bad? Why do some Eroxians want to take her? What does the real world disappearance / investigation bring to the plot at all? It's the only mention of a plot line that doesn't fit neatly into the SF/F genre, and I don't know what it's purpose is, or how it fits in amongst everything else.
Eroxus: The Axis Agent is the first novel in a planned series, and I am currently working on Volume 2. I live in Minnesota, and have studied metaphysical concepts, with a particular interest in chaos magick, for over twenty years. Definitely do not try to sell the first book in a series, especially right now, especially in this genre. This needs to be able to stand on it's own and be presented as having series potential, but not as the first in a series.