Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
If the Saturday Slash has been helpful to you in the past, or if you’d like for me to take a look at your query please consider making a donation, if you are able.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I also offer editing services.
My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
I am seeking representation for my CATEGORICALLY FALSE, an upmarket novel with elements of suspense. (105K) Right now you don't really have a genre listed. It's just a "novel" with elements of suspense, which isn't really a genre. And I'm sure it's not a surprise, but that word count isn't doing you any favors. SF/F gets more wiggle room for word count but 105k for suspense is a bit long in the tooth for a debut.
After years of striving, Alexandra and her husband Noah have arrived. She’s semi-famous after publishing a major exposé on sexual misconduct in New York literary circles. He’s super-famous, a Columbia professor whose bestselling book on populist authoritarianism has established him as a celebrated public intellectual. Noah tutors economically disadvantaged kids and donates to the Against Malaria foundation. Alexandra’s friends, with loving mockery, call him Saint Noah. She likes to joke that she won the cis straight male Powerball. Great so far!
When Samantha—a beautiful and brainy Columbia student who can talk Rawls and The Bachelor with equal authority— approaches Alexandra after a journalistic symposium on sexual assault, she happily agrees to chat. The "she" here is a little ambiguous as to which female it's referring to. But the conversation turns dark when Samantha says that, following an initially consensual relationship, she was assaulted by a professor. Alexandra urges her to come forward. Samanatha says she wants to but isn't sure she can.
Who would believe her over the great Noah Ashford?
A shocked Alexandra accuses Samantha of lying and knowing she’s married to Noah. This is getting a little murky, since it's an assumed that S knew A was married to N, since they're a semi-famous couple Samantha insists she only contacted Alexandra because of her reporting background and has no motive to lie. Samantha ultimately goes public and Noah insists her allegations are categorically false. But he’s soon suspended from multiple platforms and Columbia announces an investigation, throwing his tenure in doubt. Noah’s denials are as vehement as Samantha’s accusations and no one, least of all Alexandra, knows who to believe until a seemingly irrefutable piece of evidence emerges, settling the question for good. If only the truth were that simple.
I'd rework this paragraph a bit, the beginning is assumed. I want to see more of the emotional reaction of A to the accusation, not the "she doesn't know who to believe" angle. I also don't think you should tease what the "irrefutable piece of evidence" is, or whose favor it works in.
Told from Alexandra, Samantha, and Noah’s POVs, CATEGORICALLY FALSE is like Yomi Adegoke’s The List if it had been written by Gillian Flynn. It would appeal to fans of unreliable narrators and to those who enjoyed the examination of sex, marriage, and media on Showtime’s The Affair. Great comps
I am a recovering academic and currently work in election forecasting.
Overall I think you're in good shape! That second para needs a little more emotion and detail, and I think you need to consider your genre. Domestic suspense could be a good fit.