Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.
I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.
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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.
I am seeking representation for my debut adult fantasy novel, The Journeymen, a 102,000-word story that blends humor and philosophy through the adventures of three compelling characters. You don't need to state that it's your debut; they will assume that. I also wouldn't self-describe your characters as compelling. Of course you think they're compelling - you wrote them.
Set in a world where the era of gods, monsters, and proverbial energies is losing its grasp on the world echo (same word used closely together) with "world", like an ice age, the old era gives way, moving away from the equator toward the poles. I'm really not sure what this is saying. Is this all figurative language, or is something actually moving? Even if it's figurative, it's quite murky and is mostly just going to leave the reader trying to untangle what's being said, when what you want is an enticing hook, not a head-scratcher. Leaving behind sentient races So everyone that's still around isn't sentient? and lingering magic, here in the north, the old breath of the paranormal and the impossible still holds some grasp over these lands. Here on the frontier of the still partially settled north, life thrives on the border between the mundane and the mystical. Dangerous artifacts, reality-bending spells, and unfinished afterlives shape a landscape where power is coveted and the supernatural is never far away. This entire paragraph is mostly just confusing and isn't directly informing the reader of anything. It's also all setting, which isn't a great thing to focus on if you want to hook an agent's attention.
At its heart is an escaped slave striving to navigate the complexities of freedom. Haunted by his past and uncertain of his future, he embarks on a journey to find—or perhaps create—a place he can truly call home. His story anchors the novel’s emotional core, exploring themes of identity, belonging, and resilience. Does he have a name?
Alongside him is Laurent, a roguish goblin whose restless travels mask a deeper quest: to break a curse that keeps him apart from his beloved fiancé. His charm and cunning bring levity and intrigue, enriching the narrative with a sense of wanderlust and longing.
The third protagonist, Bel-shar-usur (Bel), is a young mage fleeing the violent legacy of his powerful war-mage father. His journey is one of self-discovery, as he seeks to define his own path and wrest control of his fate from the shadows of expectation.
But I don't know what is drawing these three together. It sounds like some sort of shared journey, but I don't know where they are going, why they are going there, or what brought the three of them together.
Each character brings strengths and perspectives the others lack, creating a dynamic where they rely on one another to fulfill their personal arcs. Their intertwined journeys forge bonds of friendship, kinship, and romance, making their collective story one of connection and mutual growth. Without one another, none could fully realize their destinies. This again feels like a paragraph where you're telling the agent what you think the story is delivering. It's an assumed in a novel with an ensemble cast that they complement and contradict each other in different ways. So in essence this paragraph is just you stating that you did something that is kind of expected anyway.
The Journeymen is a tale of scoundrels and misfits, filled with sharp wit, occasional coarse language, and moments of genuine insight. It will resonate with readers who appreciate stories that balance lighthearted adventure with meaningful depth—fans of Adventure Time, Patricia Wrede’s Enchanted Forest Chronicles, Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles, Diana Wynne Jones and, to a lesser extent, Terry Pratchett’s work. Right now this entire query is very vague and isn't telling us anything about the plot. A query needs to establish these things -- what does the main character(s) want? What stands in the way of them getting it? What are they willing to do to overcome those obstacles? And what is at stake if they don't? None of that is currently here in this query.
My name is Eugene Myznikov, and I’m a writer passionate about creating immersive fantasy worlds and characters. As an autistic person, storytelling is my special interest, and I bring a unique perspective and attention to detail to my work. Inspired by nature, cooking, and a love for fantasy sparked by the Witcher series, I strive to craft stories that blend adventure, magic, and authentic emotion. Good bio, but you need to work on getting the plot into this query, rather than taking up a lot of time with setting and then explaining the themes of the story.