The Saturday Slash

Don't be afraid to ask for help with the most critical first step of your writing journey - the query.

I’ve been blogging since 2011 and have critiqued over 200 queries here on the blog using my Hatchet of Death. This is how I edit myself, it is how I edit others. If you think you want to play with me and my hatchet, shoot me an email.

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My thoughts are in blue, words to delete are in red, suggested rephrasing is in orange.

Child stars Felicity Mae Shaw and Zachary Ward were the brightest stars in Hollywood, following the wild success of their breakout kids made-for-television, break-into-song movie franchise, Breaking Free. You're hitting pretty heavy on the word "break" here. I think you're over describing what the show was, which is tripping up word flow and not getting us to what actually matters here. On screen, the fans loved their PG romance, defying expectations and following their dreams. How did they defy expectations? How did they follow their dreams? Off screen, the media loved catching them on hot-and-heavy romantic getaways, dropping condoms on the red carpet, and posting not safe for work photos at the Chateau Marmont to Instagram. Both followed What followed? Confused on that point Zac and Felicity through their romance that lasted eight years, ending with a very quiet engagement, and then an unexpected breakup shortly after.

Now, in their late twenties, Felicity, facing a longer-than-expected lull in her career, is desperate to retain any kind of stronghold within the industry, and with a life changing role on the line, she’s even desperate enough to agree to her publicist’s plan of faking a love affair with her ex, leading up to Breaking Free’s televised ten-year-reunion. This is a really long, convoluted sentence. Break up the thoughts here. Unlike Felicity, Zac has had no problems keeping that stronghold within Hollywood–the fame, the parties, and money, have they’ve elevated him to A-list. But, after a very public dismissal of the Breaking Free franchise during press for his new movie that’s getting early Oscar buzz, Zac is on a mission to clean up his party-boy reputation.

A very gossip-inducing relationship is the last thing that either want, Is it though? It sounds like that just wants Felicity is looking for. but soon, their sizzling chemistry starts to feel like more than just an act. But, to survive within the industry that they’ve known for so long, they’ll have to put aside all of the things that had come between them before–the jealousy, the parties and their perks, the constant attention from fans and casual flirting with costars–even if they threaten to do so again. Even if what happens to do so again? Confusing end here.

Told in tandem with gossip rag articles, ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING, an adult contemporary romance, complete at 82,000 words, is for fans of The View was Exhausting by Mikaella Clements and Onjuli Datta, and Birds of California, by Katie Cotugno.

I graduated from Madonna University with a bachelors in Journalism and Public Relations, and currently work as a Closing Agent.

I think this is a really strong and marketable idea, and for the most part, the query is quite good. You'll need to trim down some of you wording as advised above, but I think you're in good shape!

Sasha Laurens on Writing a Slow Burn Romance

By Sasha Laurens

In Youngblood, Kat Finn—a teenage vampire—is suddenly admitted to the Harcote School, a vampires-only elite boarding school. When she arrives on campus, she’s dismayed to see that her ex-childhood best friend, Taylor Sanger, is her roommate. Taylor is the school’s only out queer kid, and she’s had a serious crush on Kat for years, even though Kat is obviously straight (right?). When things at vampire boarding school start getting ~creepy~, the girls grow closer than ever as they team up to unravel the conspiracy at the heart of Vampirdom.

Youngblood is an enemies to roommates to co-detectives to lovers story. Early reviewers have also called it out as a slowburn romance, which I’ve taken as a compliment. I love (and hate) all those excruciating misunderstandings and rationalizations and missed opportunities to just kiss already! On the other hand, I didn’t set out to write a slowburn romance. It arose naturally out of how I combined romance beats with the external plot structure. Since this was my first romance, I relied heavily on Gwen Hayes’s classic Romancing the Beat, which outlines the key beats in a traditional genre romance, and my go-to story structure favorite, John Truby’s Anatomy of Story.

 Here’s a few things I did, using Kat’s arc as an example.

1. The romance plot and the external plot both poke at the same character flaw or wound:

Kat’s main issue is that she believes she has to suppress her true self to fit in, because she believes the alternative is a life of poverty and isolation. The romance plot requires her to realize she’s actually queer and that embracing that can bring her happiness and love, while the external plot forces her to reconcile her burning desire to fit in with Vampirdom’s elites with the growing realization that they’re all actual monsters. Together, these plots force Kat to confront conflicting visions of herself and the world. 

2. The tension with the external plot prevents the romance from moving too fast, too soon:

Because the external and romantic plots attack the same character flaws, they need to advance together. In the lead-up to the midpoint, Kat’s desire to fit in leads her to into “friendships” with Harcote’s mean girls, a relationship with the hottest guy in school, and a prestigious mentorship with one of the most important figures in Vampirdom. Kat’s getting what she always wanted, even if it means pretending to be someone she isn’t. At the same time, her growing relationship with Taylor has her doubting if she’s really been wanting the right things—and Taylor keeps getting her into trouble. Taylor is also pretty clear that she hates Kat’s enthusiasm for Vampirdom. In other words, the romantic plot creates roadblocks and helps raise the stakes for the external plot, while the external plot creates obstacles for the romance.

3. The Dark Night:

The third act of a romance plot is characterized by the characters turning away from each other and from love in a “black moment”. This matches up perfectly with the more generic plot structure that positions a major negative reversal right before the climax. These periods where everything seems terrible and is only getting worse fit together perfectly. Kat’s continued investment in Vampirdom, despite all their detective work has uncovered, finally pushes Taylor to the breaking point and the girls are barely talking. This happens, of course, right when the girls most need to be working together. 

Importantly, this falling out isn’t just a petty miscommunication to reduce the burn speed—it’s about showing them a world without each other, where they return to the character flaws they started with. That world feels a lot less satisfying now that they’ve had a taste of love. Of course, it’s also a world where the darkest outcome of the external plot prevails.

4. The romance climaxes immediately before the external plot:

Kat and Taylor can only take down Vampirdom and their messed up school by working together, and by now, they can only work together if they choose love. They’re stronger together—but only after completing most of their character arc. That’s why Kat only metaphorically embraces her queerness and physically embraces Taylor right before the external plot comes to a head. This plot beat is a classic feature of the romance genre, and I always find it so satisfying.

Just as there are a lot of other elements that go into a slowburn romance—the pining, the close calls where you could have kissed, the accidental touches and glances across the room—there there are a million ways to mix romance into your plot structure. Experimenting with those combinations can make both plots stronger.

Sasha Laurens is the author of young adult contemporary fantasy novels Youngblood and A Wicked Magic. She grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, and has lived in New York City, Michigan and St. Petersburg, Russia. She currently lives in Brooklyn and puts her PhD in political science to use researching protest in authoritarian states.

Elizabeth Maria Naranjo on Traditional vs Self-Publishing: My Experience With Both

By: Elizabeth Maria Naranjo

In 2014, a few months shy of my 39th birthday, one of my greatest wishes came true. The book I had secretly written in stolen moments and submitted privately to agents and publishers was released as a beautiful trade paperback by a small press out of Utah. 

I had the standard bookstore launch party with cupcakes and coffee, book swag and prizes, and a signing table where I dedicated to friends and family over fifty copies of my debut novel. It was an experience I will always cherish but am unlikely to repeat. 

My latest book, The House on Linden Way, is self-published. There are many reasons why I didn’t continue the traditional route—I spent years focused on short stories; I pursued agents and a Big 5 publisher rather than submit again to my small press; I stubbornly wrote hard-to-sell books like novellas, story collections, and cozy mysteries with teenage sleuths.

Yet once I experimented with self-publishing, quietly uploading a manuscript to Amazon’s Kindle Vella in the summer of 2021, I made a surprising discovery: going indie was fun, and every bit as rewarding. 

While traditional publishing gifted me with status, accolades, and bookstore placement—however brief—self-publishing has given me freedom, control, and a sense of adventure. Here are some more comparisons between the two:

Editing

When it comes to editing, my experience on the different publishing paths has been very much the same: the editor I was assigned as a traditionally published author is freelance now, and I hired her for edits on Linden Way. Before reaching her, both books were extensively edited through several rounds with critique partners. 

Marketing

Marketing has been similar too. For The Fourth Wall, I organized and paid for my launch party, my blog tour, a festival signing, and two Goodreads giveaways. For Linden Way, I’ve also organized and paid for a blog tour and a Goodreads giveaway, although I happily skipped the in-person events; I enjoy online marketing (like this tour!) much more.  

Cover/Title

I had a better experience with my small press than most traditionally published authors in that I was given a voice on both my cover design and my title—things that authors typically have no say in. Still, there was always the understanding that final decisions were not up to me. I do love the way The Fourth Wall turned out, but I prefer being directly involved in the process of choosing a book designer and working together toward the finished product. 

Profits

Between the two publishing paths, self-publishing has by far been the more lucrative, pulling in enough profits for me to pay for professionally designed covers and proofreading for three separate projects. In the fourteen months since uploading my first indie effort, I’ve made four times as much than with my traditionally published book, which was released eight years ago. 

The choice to pursue traditional or self-publishing is a very personal one, and there is no right or wrong answer. Having experienced both, however, my own choice is clear. Despite having a good relationship with my publisher and being forever grateful to them for launching my debut, I’ve learned I’m an indie author at heart. 

Elizabeth Maria Naranjo is the award-winning author of The Fourth Wall (WiDo Publishing, 2014). Her short fiction and creative nonfiction have been published in Brevity Magazine, Superstition Review, Fractured Lit, The Portland Review, Hunger Mountain, Hospital Drive, Reservoir Road, Literary Mama, Motherwell, and a few other places. Her stories have been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, Best American Essay, and Best of the Net. All links to Elizabeth's work can be found on her website at elizabethmarianaranjo.com.